Riding High

I am home. I am jumping in a circle.  My life has gone from terrible to good.  My bank has money.  I am leaving this dumpy place.  I can order some new furniture.  What's good is this guy lets me move into the new place right away. It's empty.  I will leave in 1 to 2 days.  I think to myself I can go have a glass of wine and spoil myself.  I walk up the street and I think life is good.  I remember Toronto.  I remember smoking crack.  I remember how I feel so helpless.  Now I have power.  You answer to Larissa.  You see my mind sees it differently.  I realize maybe I don't hate being an SP just I must be in charge.  I must be the CEO.  Not someone else.  I know I must do some other stuff but for now I will relax.  Now I use the reward system.  If you are a bad man, I will screw you over.  If you are good, I give you a reward.  You think this is bad right?  Well no. It's how it works.  This is woman power.  You know the woman have the power in this world.  Just men think they do.  The only real power a man has over a woman is the fist. 

I go to a martini bar.  I sit at a table.  In this place is women and some good looking guys.  I watch the game.  Regular people play this game.  The women is pretty and innocent.   The man has to show confidence and game.  He must win her.  He must show his stuff.  She will decide if she wants him.  This type of guy I have no interest in.  He is a blowhard.  He thinks he's a gift to women.  I watch this game and I laugh.  These women play the same game as me.  But you think I am a woman using men.  I am a bitch.  But other women see these women and think you go girl. But these women do the same thing as me.  They make the man work and get a drink then maybe fuck him.  But to fuck her he must pay for drinks and invest his time.  He must wait.  Yet like a dog to the bone these men will do it.  And these women will be proud of themselves.  They are smug.  You call me a whore.  But they are too.  Just I take cash and a phone call.  They take time. 

I watch this game.  Some men hit on me.  I don't pay for drinks.  I laugh inside at them.  They chat me up.  It's non stop.  I can drink all night no cost.  I'm not even giving them a sign I am interested.  But they keep trying.  I think how funny life is.  I think how these women are.  I laugh.  If they know I'm a whore their face goes into a crinkle.  They would say I am a disease.  A homewrecker.  But they are whores too.  Just it's a different way to pay.  They're no better than me.  It's no wonder men use whores.  It's just easier.