Unhappily Married is there. I tell him in tears. Its the story. His face is sick. He is angry too. He sais can we go to the police. I say no. I can't. I said if so then what? I am on the news. All know I'm a whore. Maybe Papa watches news. And he sees it. How does he feel? I tell him I want to kill myself but I can't. I don't care for me. I am a shell. Like this doll I mention. But if I kill myself Papa will hurt forever. His whole life he will regret. Papa will ask what did he do wrong. I know it. I ask this question to me. Every single fucking day.
Unhappy stays as long as he can. He said he will go home. He said he can come back and stay. He asks is this alright? I say yes. I would like it. He will tell his wife he has a business trip. He will lie to his office lady. Unhappy will stay at my apartment. I feel safer. He sleeps in the same bed. If I wake up with a dream, he is there. It's no sex. Just a friend.
Unhappy sais I should get out. Some fresh air is what I need. He will come with me. I ask him but what if you are seen? He sais so what. He doesn't care. I will tie up my hair. Put on makeup to hide my eyes. We go for a walk. It's nice out. The sun feels good. Unhappy talks about fun stuff. About his antics. He tells me about him as a boy. He tells me this story. He thinks he is superman. He takes a towel. writes S on it. He ties it around his neck. Then he jumps from his bedroom window. Only he is not superman. Instead he is broken leg man. I laugh. He takes me to eat. He wants a quiet area. He ask the lady, can he speak to the boss. She comes out. He sais he wishes space for us. It's personal. This woman agrees. He gives her some money and thanks her. Then we eat. It's good to eat. I don't drink just pepsi.
He takes me home. He sits with me and he said I should call Papa. He said you need him. I say no. I can't. How will Papa feel. He is embarrassed. He sais no. He sais Papa loves me. He tells me he has a child. He would want to know. He said he knows my Papa. He will come and stay with me. Unhappy must go. This lie can last only so long. I know it. He tells me call 24/7. He said even if he is at home.
When he leaves I take a breath. But the walls around me now. Like it's tight. It closes in. I can't breath though. I sit on the couch. I am scared. So I take my phone and I call Papa. He answers. He's happy. I say nothing for 20 seconds. Then I cry. I say some men hurt me. It's long silence. He asks me am I ok. I say body ok inside no. He tells me he loves me. He will be there
He comes the next morning.
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