I get up late. I feel like shit. I don't care. I am hungry but too tired to eat. I should turn the phone on. I should check email. Not today. I can't do this. Just thinking of sex makes me sick. I will go for a walk but I should eat. I eat but I am sick. I will sleep but I can't. I can do nothing but think. All day. I think of my life. Why does God hate me? I know I make mistakes. Stupid choices. There is no one just Papa. He is far away now. I have nothing. I know I must go back to being a whore. I am sick with this though. Another fucking cock in my mouth. Another man sees me as just a doll for his pleasure. Another email telling me do I like a thick cock in my wet pussy. I am sick of it. I must leave. I can just go away and never return. But I cannot. In this life you need a job. You need money. I think it could be like Toronto and the MP. No way. Today I will just drink. If you drink it won't fix it. It just stops it for a short time. You can forget.
At the computer I write Papa a long letter. I tell him all things. I tell him I want to run away with him. We can go. He can leave Mom. We can get a house with a porch. The birds can eat the seeds. I press send. Now I will check my email for work. It's got many. It's the same shit. You can see my advertisement. It's got the price. Don't you fucking read? Each email is the same. What do I do. How much extra for no condom. I am good looking, is the price cheaper. My cock is thick you will love it. Will you come for me. I want to fuck your tight ass. It's the same. It's like the door in the office building. You get in and can go in a circle forever. Round and round and you see the same thing. This is like your email. It's the same thing. What can you do?
I know I must work. I take the message out that I am away. And then I drink. Tomorrow the phone will go on. On it probably is many messages. Like this email it's the same. hangups. The stallion wil lcall, and tell me how great he is. And my regs will call and say hello. At least I have them. I will just use regs now. No new clients.
The best friend of the whore is a reg. Maybe you don't love him. Maybe you don't like him. But you feel comfortable with him. Some are better than others. For me, Unhappily Married is my favourite. He's good. He's not so good looking. I don't care. If you are a whore you know good looks mean nothing. It does make a man. Inside does. I have good regs. These men treats with with respect. If I see them in public, I say hello. They don't make me red faced. They don't use bad words. To them maybe I am a doll but I don't feel it. For me this is good sex. No love. Just comfortable.
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