In my mind i think about being a whore again. No jobs. The same food. The frustration of no money. I know the government check comes. And I count bottles. These two never end. The colder night is trouble. This car won't start easy. It's a fight. I can't fix this. I have no money. I ask Papa. He sais he can't tell. Too far away. He thinks it's the battery. I ask how much. He tells me the price. And installation too. I can't afford this. It means a car date. No way. I can just not go anywhere. It sucks. The bus to the dollar store. And to the gym? I can't go. I will go until the car stops. Then I stop. I am thin now. My pants need a belt. No more tummy for me. This is not how to get it. I can't sell this plan. Want your tummy gone, call Larissa. She sells you the idea. 99 bucks. Notices come to house. If I don't pay. I'm in trouble. The courts will come for me. I am sick from this stress. I tell GT what can I do? She sais it's easy. You go bankrupt. Then all your bills are gone. It's perfect lol. And so easy. I turn off even the internet. If i wish it it's the coffee shop. There it's free. I get a small coffee and sit. I can email Papa. For now I can't call him. No phone. These people send angry letters. I will not pay.
I begin to think. Maybe I can just work 1 month as a whore. Get some money. Pay off these bills. No one can see this money. I will pay it cash. I watch the window. I see the whore. Lots of cars. This whore gets good business. Each date is not long. She does BJ's. I know it. I put on my dress. Boots. I go down when she is gone. I stand there. I look at each car. In a short time one stops. I ask him what does he want. He tells me a blow job. Then he says the price. Are you crazy? I tell him it's 2 browns. He ask am I new? The price is a red or 2 greens. I go back upstairs. No way.
The next night the street is quiet. The SW is moved. No money. I go to the food bank. If i don't I can't eat. Georgia can't give me food. Her kids need it. The food bank food sucks. It's what you won't eat. Pasta. Rice. Cheap cans of fruit. Lots go to the food bank. The line is big. A lady there tells me. There is a kitchen for free food. I go there. I leave. It's many men. I feel unsafe. All these men. And few women. Some are beaten up so bad. The faces are changed. I think is this me? This is me in 1 year. In the cardboard box. I get home. I go on the street. It's quiet. I wait. The car comes up. I say are you a cop. He tells me no. I said what you do you want. He said a blowjob. It said what I never imagine to say. It's 1 red. It's gross. You suck cock? I do for 10 years. I learn to make it fast. The faster the better. Once done I leave. I have 50. I feel dirty about me. I think about Papa. I tell him I'm not a whore. Now I am once more. But I think about this lady I see. Her face is changed. It can be me.
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