Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Zoo

I will take Papa everywhere.  He can see Calgary.  I don't know it so well but I can find things out on the Internet.  I tell him let's go to the Zoo.  You see, I see it all the time and I think I should go.  But it's hard.  Who can I go with?  Not a client.  A client doesn't take a whore to the Zoo. 

We take the train to the Zoo.  In Calgary it's the C Train.  It's a train on the ground not like the subway in Toronto.  It say it's wind powered.  I think this is good.  It's not far on the train to the Zoo.  So here we are.  I get some tickets to go on and we are at the Zoo.  When I am a little girl Papa takes me to a petting Zoo.  It's my favourite place.  I think of being a little girl and each memory is me at the petting Zoo.  Papa has a photo of me. It shows me at the petting Zoo. I have a peanut and this little squirel eats it. 

So today I am at the zoo with him.  As we walk in, I see it's nice.  It's big.  As we walk around I wish Papa can hold my hand like he did when I was a little girl.  It's before all this life started.  Before the whore life.  When I was a little girl and just innocent.  I think as we walk.  I think how Papa must feel. His daughter has had sex with thousands of men.  Does he close his eyes and imagine me at work?  I hope not.  I want to be Larissa the little girl for him.  Its a long time to see this zoo and so good.  If you go to Calgary you can see this zoo.  It's a good deal.  I think while I am in there maybe someday I have a boyfriend and we can go.  He will hold my hand and kiss me. 

We are in this shop in the zoo.  It's got the usual stuff.  I am looking and Papa gets something.  I think it's for Mom. He comes to me and says this is for me.  In the bag is a butterfly in this glass.  I cry.  As a little girl I loved butterflys.  I would put butterfly pins in my hair and I would run in the grass with my arms wide pretending I could fly.  It made me forget my Mom.  She was mean all the time.  Now I am holding this and I just cry with happy tears.  I kiss Papa and tell him I love him.  I don't say this enough.  It's hard for me to say I love you.  But for him I can.  I will keep this butterfly in the glass forever.  Even if I am starving I don't sell it.  It's a treasure.  In this life you can get stuff pretty easy but a treasure is rare.  that's why they say it's a treasure. 

We get the train and then walk from downtown.  It's not so far.  As I walk and talk I think about me.  I am getting tired of this life.  I want more.  I want a normal life now.  This is a normal life.  You go with family, friends.  You smile and laugh.  Maybe it's a struggle but I see now most important is love.  We stop to get some coffee.  Papa is paying.  I am looking out at downtown and I think if I am never a SP again I don't care.  I know it can't be but I want this. 

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