I will take Papa everywhere. He can see Calgary. I don't know it so well but I can find things out on the Internet. I tell him let's go to the Zoo. You see, I see it all the time and I think I should go. But it's hard. Who can I go with? Not a client. A client doesn't take a whore to the Zoo.
We take the train to the Zoo. In Calgary it's the C Train. It's a train on the ground not like the subway in Toronto. It say it's wind powered. I think this is good. It's not far on the train to the Zoo. So here we are. I get some tickets to go on and we are at the Zoo. When I am a little girl Papa takes me to a petting Zoo. It's my favourite place. I think of being a little girl and each memory is me at the petting Zoo. Papa has a photo of me. It shows me at the petting Zoo. I have a peanut and this little squirel eats it.
So today I am at the zoo with him. As we walk in, I see it's nice. It's big. As we walk around I wish Papa can hold my hand like he did when I was a little girl. It's before all this life started. Before the whore life. When I was a little girl and just innocent. I think as we walk. I think how Papa must feel. His daughter has had sex with thousands of men. Does he close his eyes and imagine me at work? I hope not. I want to be Larissa the little girl for him. Its a long time to see this zoo and so good. If you go to Calgary you can see this zoo. It's a good deal. I think while I am in there maybe someday I have a boyfriend and we can go. He will hold my hand and kiss me.
We are in this shop in the zoo. It's got the usual stuff. I am looking and Papa gets something. I think it's for Mom. He comes to me and says this is for me. In the bag is a butterfly in this glass. I cry. As a little girl I loved butterflys. I would put butterfly pins in my hair and I would run in the grass with my arms wide pretending I could fly. It made me forget my Mom. She was mean all the time. Now I am holding this and I just cry with happy tears. I kiss Papa and tell him I love him. I don't say this enough. It's hard for me to say I love you. But for him I can. I will keep this butterfly in the glass forever. Even if I am starving I don't sell it. It's a treasure. In this life you can get stuff pretty easy but a treasure is rare. that's why they say it's a treasure.
We get the train and then walk from downtown. It's not so far. As I walk and talk I think about me. I am getting tired of this life. I want more. I want a normal life now. This is a normal life. You go with family, friends. You smile and laugh. Maybe it's a struggle but I see now most important is love. We stop to get some coffee. Papa is paying. I am looking out at downtown and I think if I am never a SP again I don't care. I know it can't be but I want this.
No comments:
Post a Comment