Frustrated

Papa will work.  I will go out.  Walk around.  Come home.  It's a quiet dinner.  Papa and I sit.  Nana will come.  Her husband is quiet.  Says nothing.  Mom sleeps.  Already drunk.  If I can't do this. I can chat to Marky.  It's the computer.  I am happy to chat.  I tell him about it here.  He tells me hold on. 

Papa is good. He must sleep early.  His job is early.  Nana doesn't.  She is up late.  We sit alone.  We have a smoke.  We drink rum.  She tells me things.  She sais.  I am not at fault.  She sais I am a victim.  She said it's not you.  Someone else.  She tells me.  She has troubles as a woman.  No one is there.  I have a laptop.  It's from Marky.  I run it outside.  If he sends me a message i reply.  Nana tells me.  You love him.  I can't say it.  She laughs.  She says no matter what it's him that gets the answer.  She tells me.  You know what you feel.  So feel it.  She said he is strength to me.  I don't know it.  She asks me.  Do you love him.  I can't say it.  I just put my head down.  She laughs.  Yes you do.  I say no.  She laughs.  Says yes.  You are in love.  She tells me.  If someone loves you.  They will always do what is best.  Just for you.  She tells me.  Don't push him away.  She asks, do you dream of him.  I say hardly a day goes by.   She gets two cigarettes.  Gives me one.  She tells me I know where I must be.  She gets me a drink.  She tells me.  To find a good man is like finding the end of a rainbow.  If you find it, God loves you.