Hotel

Papa wants me to go to the police.  I do not want to go.  A raped woman feels shame.  I don't know the police.  But I hear about how it's not good for a whore.  1 million thoughts.  Now these guys don't know me.  But if they get caught they know me.  They can find my apartment.  Next time it's worse.

If you are a whore you know this fear.  It's a thought in your head always.  Some think it can't happen but for anyone it can.  One slip.  Maybe just  bad luck.  A SW knows it most.  Then an indie then an MP.  At the MP this won't happen.  It's the only good thing about the MP.  You are safe.  Some men hate whores.  No reason to hate them at all.  They don't trip this guy.  Or cut him off in traffic.  This man in Vancouver kills them.  Does he know them?  No, he just kills them.  I don't know why.  When I did car dates I can see it.  You sense it.  I know of some.  They tell me that men would come.  Tell them God hates them. Then rape them or hurt them.  I believe in God.  I have a Bible.  I know God.  He will not do this.  He loves all no matter what.  Also, some men not rape but close to it.  Rough and violent in the session.  Some don't care.  Like this guy at the MP that farts.  He hates me.  This is not just the whore.  It's all women. 

Now, I will say this.  Most men are not this way.  Most are good men.  Here is what i think.  You take 100 men.  1 will be a man wishing to hurt you bad.  1 will understand and accept you.  The rest are in the middle.  But, in your mind is that 1 bad man.  Always in your mind.  Another thing is the police.  It depends on each city.  Some police care more.  Some care less.  The whore gets a raw deal.  And I see on tv.  I don't know if it's true.  But they can ask your past. You say you are raped.  But you have 3 men each day.  So are you lying? 

I remember the Calgary Stampede.  They ask that all men wear this pink shirt.  It's for breast cancer.  They say support your woman.  I see this.  It's a good thing.  But I think in my head how come no one supports a whore?  You know those pins?  It has a piece of cloth?  It's against violence.  It's against cancer.  It's against hitting children.  You won't see one to not hurt a whore. 

You listen to me.  Do you use a whore?  Then you are first signing the petition.  Rights.  Safety.  Justice!   

Papa said we must go to the hotel.  I feel sick.  I think of the taxi ride there.  We get closer and I have a panic.  I scream.  I can't see it.  Papa stops.  He is asking are ok.  I am crying.  I can't go near it.  I can't see this.  He sais ok.  He takes me home. 

At home Papa is worried.  He tells me we can go to a center.  It's for women.  I tell him I can't go to the hotel.  I can't go to the police.  I am sorry.  I feel like I let him down.  But Papa only sais it's ok.  He sais no big deal.  He said I can do what I feel ok with.   He will take me to this center.  Its' a center for women.  These are women.  Some work for free.  These women understand.