No calls. No text

I sit up.  I just smoke.  I should stop it.  I know.  I don't smoke until recently.  I think it's that I'm bored.  I regret what I say.  I think.  I am out of control.  No control.  I am angry at all things.  A person is kind.  I will dislike them.  I think.  I have no friends but Georgia.  If you are a girl you have friends.  You can shop.  You can gossip  You can see a movie.  You can do make up.  I have none.  An whore has few friends.  If the friend is a whore it's tough.  You be careful.  Say little about things.   I have nothing really.  I just got to bed.  Georgia is sleeping.  I lie beside her. 

I get up.  I go out.  It's later.  Georgia says only morning.  She is quiet.  It's quiet for a while too.  I ask her how come.  She is quiet.  Then she sais why?  She tells me I'm a fool.  She sais is he a client?  no.  Does he expect anything?  no.  But you just hurt him.  She sais I need an atitutde check.  I know she is right.  At 6 I get dressed.  I get the gym clothes.  I will walk to his house.  He goes the same time.  It's clockwork.  I press the buzzer.  He answers.  I tell him can we talk.  Go to the gym too?  I joke I will get fat.  He says nothing but the buzzer opens the door.  I go up.  Its unit 705.  I knock.  He opens.  I go in.  I look down. I am ashamed.  I tell him something I say only to Papa.  I am sorry.  He is quiet.  He sais it's ok.  He tells me to sit.  Its no couch lol.  Just a computer chair.  He will sit on the floor.  I sit on the chair.  I tell him things.  I have trust problems.  He listens.  He tells me it's ok.  Then he sais I want some chili.  He makes it.  I have some.  It's good lol. So I eat another.  The rest is his lunch.  Its all gone.  He kids, yoru legs are hollow?  I have some toast.  We talk.  I ask him.  How come he has a limp.  He tells me it's an accident.  He has a wheelchair.  Then crutches for a long time.  He can walk.  I tell him sorry.  I tell him the chili was good.  He laughs. He tells me he figured so since i ate most of it. 

There is no gym.  We just talk.  Then we go to the coffee place.  He asks do I want the cake.  How is this cake?  It's big like my head.  Its a giant plate.  Its 7 dollars.  But it's chocolate.  I get him a spoon.  I say have some.  He says no.  No chocolate.  I should not. But I eat all the cake lol.  The whole piece.  Then after I burp. It's a mistake.  He smiles and shakes his face.  He drives me home.  In the car he takes his finger.  He sais there is chocolate on my lips.  He will take it off.  THen he kisses me. It's long.  I will kiss him more.  It's 10 minutes.  I tell him I should go.  I go into the house.  I am scared.  I know it.  I like this guy.

Are you a whore?  Love is hard to find.  You are suspect of a man.  You can't believe him.  You know a man.  He will say he likes you. But it's not what he means.  I am scared.  I don't know what to think.  I fear this man.  No control over him.  But I think, he is good to me.  Never upsets me.  One part is scared.  The other is not scared.  I do one thing.  I get my phone.  I send him a text.  It says thank you.