Each Moment is the last

I will go.  If you know you will go.  You can do 2 things.  Sit and cry.  Go live life to it's best.  I will do this. It's not for long.  It's the wild child time.  Mark stops the gym.  He will just spend time with me.  We go out many times.  In the week we drink.  On the weekend.  We eat out each day.  I ask Mark.  How can he pay.  He sais not to worry.  He has lots of time to work after I go.  This life is fast.  It's living for now.  Mark gets up.  He must for work.  i don't.  I just sleep.  If I don't sleep?  Then I eat and drink.  Marky gives me money.  Spend it.  I pick up girls.  We can share them.  All guys love it.  On the weekends.  It's drinking even at breakfast.  It's like with Victoria.  But now I'm a girlfriend.  Not a whore.  We play the game.  Mark loves it now.  I stand on the corner. He picks me up.  Pays me.  We have sex in his car.  He don't care now if we are caught.  He teachs me to drive.  I can't.  I smash the pole with his car.  He laughs.  The  bumper is sratched.  He sais oh well.  We go out too much.  The people know us.  It's bad for health.  Mark doesn't care.  He sais he's fed up anyways.  Sick of working.  He tells me.  Just turned 41.  Worked all this time for what?  No one pays nomore.  They have no money.  His job takes tolls on him.  I see now he gets headaches.  He must hold his head they are so bad.  Still we go out.

I know it now.  We do this.  why?  We can't face the end.  So rather than think.  We are crazy.  If you have fun.  There is no tomorrow.  Just now.  Mark and I drink every day.  I know each pub now.  I know the liquor store man.  He must wonder.  I'm here every day.  We take risks.  We have public sex.  Parked on the street even.  We are so drunk we leave the car there.  All weekend.  Mark don't care either.  I laugh.  He is on the patio.  Drinking.  He surfs the review board. Don't care who sees.  The bill to eat and drink.  It's high.  $400 one weekend.  Mark don't care about work either.  Now wears jeans and sandals.  No business pants.  I don't know then.  But now i do. He just gives up.  Don't care. 

We are like this for weeks, then a month, then more.  Our life is this.  Eat and drink and have sex.   This stops one day.  In the mail is the papers.  Now I can go to Greece.  I must tell Nana.  I am coming.  I will get a ticket.  A one way ticket.