Friday, September 10, 2010

The fight

I wake up.  I am hungover.  I love Nana.  I love Papa.  But I don't like my Mom.  Mark tells me. She watches him.  The door has a crack.   I think.  You are a cougar?  Inside I am angry.  My Papa lives this. Each day.  You think she cares for him?  It's the first ever.  I wish Papa gets a whore.  A whore is better than this bitch.  At least a whore is good to a man.  My Mom don't care.  If Papa is gone?  My Mom is a whore too.  Lives in the ditch.  She can charge 2 greens for FS.   I come back.  I come to make friends.  Now, I can't.  I am angry.  This time though.  Larissa is not 13.  No one can push her around. 

It's a BBQ.  Nana is in the hotel.  Papa makes a steak. Mom drinks booze.  She is drunk.  She tells Papa what to do.  She can cook?  No way buddy.  I sit. I listen. She drinks.  She tells me about my life.  I am a failing.  I run away.  She sais I am stupid.  Life is better here than Toronto.  I just listen.  Papa  tells her.  Calm down.  She can only drink.  It goes on.  She asks me.  Is Mark your customer.  He buys sex?  I tell her no.  No way.  He is not this way.  We meet at the gym.  She sais its a story.  She sais he only likes me.  1 reason. He is older.  I'm younger.  He wants me just for sex.  I don't listen.  She sais I am always stupid.  Papa tells her to stop.  It's not helping.  Then she makes this mistake.  She asks.  He is now your pimp.  Let's another fuck me?  I am angry. I blow up.  I get up from the table.  I attack her.  I tell her fuck you bitch.  You don't say this.  You tell me my bf is this way.  I hit her.  I hit her in the face and all over.  Papa must come.  Pull me away.  I scream at her.  I tell her fuck you.  I spit at her.  I tell her she is a whore.  NOT ME.  I am NEVER a whore like her.   I have respect.  Not her.  She is a drunk.   She goes away.  Papa is upset.  He tells me sorry.  He asks why do I get mad.  I tell him I'm tired.  All my life it's just this.  I cry.  He holds me.  He will talk to Mom.  I can't see her.  I hate her. 

I wish to go back to Calgary.  I hate this place.  I must stay.  See Papa and Nana.  But I hate my mom.  Now i cannot love her ever.  I wish her to die.  I wonder why.  Why can Papa lvoe her?  He is stupid.  He is a good man. 

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