Alone

Papa has gone home. In the last week he finds his job is back.  I'm happy.  I fear to be alone.  I can sleep with the light off now.  I start to think. I must work again.  It's a long time.  I go so long without any sex.  This is the longest since I am young.  I send an email to Unhappily Married.  I tell him I am ok.  Why do I do this?  I am not ok but I must work.  He is the most tender man  So I will see.  He comes to see me.  He tells me am I ok?  I say of course yes.  I'm good now. 

I am comfortable with this man.  I know him a long time now.  But you know what?  In this session I can't get him hard.  I try and try.  It gets a bit but not enough.  I ask him whats wrong.  Is he tired?  He sais no.  He sais he feels bad doing this.  He sais he feels terrible.  It's because of what happened.  We don't have sex.  We just lie there.  I tell him the truth.  I tell him I wish for him for 1 reason.  Because I trust him.  I know I do.  He only touches my hair.  He leaves but leaves the money.  

Just a few days later he calls.  Let's try again.  We have a session.  This time it works.  But it's different.  Before this man was aggressive.  He was horny.  Now he is soft.  I notice this.  He looks at me more.  It's less sex.  It's softer sex.  Unhappy and I had wild sex before.  His wife won't give him much.  So I was his fantasy.  Now this sex is more like love.  But we don't love each other.  I have some other sessions with him.  Then I think I can with others.  So I wait.

If you quit the whore job for a while you will come back and find your regs are gone.  They have found a new doll.  They are your regs.  They treat you good.  But if you go away, it's bye bye.  I only have a few left. This is good for me.  I don't want so much now.  But life is life.  You have bills.   This apartment is now 1800 each month.  It's expensive.  And now the world has a recession.  So there is less money.  The cost goes up.  Larissas money goes down.  I can't think to get a new client.  Not unless he is an older man.  I put up an ad.  It's for older men only.  Not so many responses.  I get one guy.  He's ok.  He comes each week.  I charge him 2 browns.

I watch the news.  All around me the world falls.  I see these banks.  It's the USA.  They are in trouble.  I don't know business.  I know this though.  If they have no money.  I have no money.  This is just how it is.  You can't change it.  I put up some ad's.  Some men call.  They want it for 1 brown.  I think fuck you buddy.  I can collect pop cans for this. 

Are you a whore?  You are new?  Here is a tip ok.  If you make your price cheap you are cheap.  If you say 2 browns, this is the price.  If the man says 1 brown?  You say no way buddy.  Can he get 1 brown?  Oh yes.  He will.  Someone gives it to him.  But you must set the price.  And keep it.  It's how you get respect.  In this job what's the most important thing?  You have control.  You set the rules.  And if you don't?  Well it's like this.  The price gets lower and lower.  Soon you are sucking a cock for 3 greens.  Then you are desperate.  If you feel desperate?  Well a person lost and desperate finds a way to hide.  Its' drugs.  Or like me it was drinking.  

I am watching the news.  The stock market is gone.  It's crashing.  I decide one thing.  I will move.  This place costs to much.  So I tell this landlord.  He offers me a deal. I said no way.  I will go.  How I will move I don't know.  I have lots of stuff.