Reality

I am learning.  To be a chef and learn sucks.  You will just do the same thing.  You start at the bottom.  The chef is cool.  He is a gay man.  I know it.  He loves food.  When he talks you see it.  He tells me.  To cook well is all detail.  A tiny flavour. I must do some boring jobs.  I don't mind it.  I order this thing.  I put in my iPod.  I can work and sing.  It's hot in the kitchen.  Greece is hot.  Inside here is hotter.  You go outside to cool.  I drink glasses of water.  I will get used to it.  I end the day and go sleep.  It's a long day.  I don't send email. Just shower and sleep.   Sometimes I work at night.  This is best.  I can sleep in.  The room is quiet at night.  Tat will come over.  Stay on the weekends.   She's angry too.  Fights with her boyfriend.  He's a creep. 

Before I am sad. But now I am really sad.  I have a new job.  I can be someone.  But now it's not vacation.  Now I realize I don't go back.  Not ever.  I think about Papa.  I think about Marky.  I won't see them.  Each is far away.  I can go 2 weeks.  1 week to see Papa.  1 week to see Mark.  It's so little.  I wish life isn't this way.  I must give up something to get another.  How come I can't get both?  Nana sees me.  Asks me what's wrong.  I tell her I want Calgary.  I'm missing it.  She tells me she knows.  She tells me use the phone. The internet phone is free.  I will call Papa and Mark.  Both say the same.  Don't give up.  It will get easier.  Papa tells me about the divorce.  Mom will fight.  She lies.  I get mad. I say you fight back hard.  Mark is tired.  I can tell his voice.  He sais he just stays home.  It's even less money.  He won't say it.  But I costed a ton for this trip.  He will find a new career soon.  He's done.  I feel bad.  I wish I can be there.  Now his life is bad.  Mine is better.  I talk to them.  I feel better.  But I cry at night.  Forever is long.  I lie in bed.  I think how proud Papa is.  His little girl.  Gets a job.  Now will be a chef.  He sais when I visit I can cook him a steak and potato.  It's his favourite.  I tell Marky.  I can cook eggs.  The mistake i make is heat. It's too hot.  He just laughs.  I tell him.  You can cook with a flame.  A gas stove.  It's better.  He tells me he's on that right away.