Anger

I am out.  I will go to get some food.  It's the Superstore.  This store is far.  You can on the bus and train.  Then you walk.  But the price is better.  This Safeway costs much.  I have little money.  I have more time.  I go on the bus to downtown.  I don't like downtown.  It's creepy.  I am waiting for the train.  At this time you wait long.  It's near the Telus place.  This guy comes.  He whistles at me.  I ignore.  He whistles again.  He says a comment.  I ignore.  He gets angry.  He calls me down.  Says I think I'm better than him.  You are a woman.  You are scared right?  I am not.  Now I am angry.  This man is on a bike.  I run at him.  I push him off.  He falls and the bike is on him.  I kick him.  I take my purse and beat him.  It's stopped.  The police are there.  They grab me.  They pull me away.  I will sit in the car.  Then the station.  It's near.  They bring in a lady.  She talks to me. I tell her I am angry.  This man calls me down.  He says names to me.  She listens.  She will say nothing.  She writes it down.  After some time I am released.  A woman comes.  Sais here is some stuff.  It's for managing anger.  She tells me she understands.  They arrange for a ride.  I will go home.  No charges.  They will talk to the man.  I wish they arrest him.  Shoot him.  I can do it.  He calls me down. 

I don't go on the train.  So I can now go to the dollar store or Safeway.  Dollar store is far.  Its in Forest Lawn.  This place is bad.  Rough.  A woman can't go at night.  Now, the day is shorter too.  The sun sets earlyer. 

I do something I don't do. I sent Mark a text.  I tell him can I lend a ride?  Not so far.  He sends me back.  He can't now.  But he can later.  I tell him I need Superstore.  He tells me it's close.  But it's different.  I don't know this one.   He takes me there.  He comes in.  I am careful.  I can't spend much.  I am telling him I like this food.  It's burgers.  I love it.  He puts a big box in the cart.  I cant afford it.  I put it back. He looks and he tells me keep it.  It's not a problem.  He pushes the cart for me.  He sais buy what you want.  I admit I am poor.  He sais he knows.  He was too.  He said first a person must eat.  Then the rest is paid.  The cart gets full.  I can't wait.  I can eat like a pig lol.  He drives me.  I go to Georgias.  I stay there now.  I'm afraid otherwise.  He helps me unload these bags.  He meets Georgia.  He puts the bags down.  He asks if I will go to the gym.  I say no, tired now.  He sais its ok, tomorrow.  He goes  to leave.  I tell him to stop.  I say thank you.  Then I do it.  I give him a hug.  It's not a close hug.  Just a hug.  I ask him you can stay?  A tea?  He sais no, he must go work out. 

I sit alone.  My iPod plays.  I am guilty.  I can only hate men.  They hurt me.  But I know it.  This guy doesn't.  He is just kind.  I feel bad.  I am using him.  I know it.  He doesn't know it.  I think if Papa saw me.  How I really was.  He is ashamed too.  I'm not his little girl.  I'm mean.  I just take things.  I don't give back.  I must change too.  Just I don't know how.