Mark finds a lady. I will go to talk to her. He will take me. I am nervous. It's the loony bin. I will have a jacket on that's white. I am scared. I cry in the car. He holds my hand. He sais it's ok. We go to this area. It's nice. He parks. We go in this place. It's not the loony bin. It's an office. I will sit there. We wait. This woman comes out. Mark sais how long. It's 1 hour. He will go work. The coffee shop has internet. He can work and wait. This lady takes me. She asks i want some coffee or water? I tell her coffee. She smiles. Don't be afraid. We sit. She sais her name. She is an older woman. She is friendly to me. She tells me I'm just fine. Not to worry. We can talk.
Months will pass. I will go to this place. I will take. She will listen. I tell her about my life. The little girl. The butterflys. I tell her about Papa. I tell her I am a whore. A stripper. I take drugs. I hate men. I tell her I have thoughts. I want to hurt others. We talk about all things. Each time we talk. She tells me then. She tells me many things. At first, I learn, I am sadder. I feel like I fail. She tells me no. It's normal to feel it. I learn who Larissa was. I learn why too. I learn about Papa. Who he is for me. About Georgia. I learn what Marky is. I learn why I feel angry. And so sad. And filled with hate. I learn why I drink. And why I take crack. And why I want to die. And why I don't die. I learn it all. I stop to see her for one reason. You can read soon. Just not now.
Do you feel this way? You think it's bad? I tell you this. If you are angry. Or sad. Or giving up. Or full of rage. It's not you. It's your life. How you react. The reasons can be many. What are you? You are a victim. It's another first. I learn what I am. I am a bitch. I am a whore. I control men. It's so they can't control me. If I control, no hurt comes. I am not vulnerible. So I will push away. Keep away. It's the sign. Do not trespass. Only now I feel scared.
Are you a whore? You feel this way? You don't. You do but you don't. Because you don't know. You think you are ok. Maybe you aren't. Do you feel angry? See a man and wish to spit. Or just sick of it? It's depressed. I say this. Stop the shoes. No more purses. Go see and talk. It's important. You will discover why you are who you are. This is most important. You see, all are broken. This is how it is. You must learn. You learn 1 thing. How to control it. To know why you think
I leave the first time. Mark waits for me. He walks with me. He asks me how I feel. How was it. I tell him not so bad. He gives me a kiss. He said he is proud. It's a huge step. We go the right way. He must go work. He gives me 2 greens. Tells me go eat, get what I want. I tell him thank you. And I tell him I am sorry. He sais it's ok. He sais everyone falls down.
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