Firsts

Mark must read a book.  I decide to go sleep in his bed.  This way is dark.  He comes to bed.  Sais get up if you want the couch.  I sleep here.  I don't.  Next is a first.  I will have sex.  A first you say?  How can it be.  A whore with 5000 men.  It's a first.  Why?  I don't get paid.  I don't wish to get paid.  The man is not a pooner.  Just a man.  One more first.  I like it.  I feel close to him.  More firsts?  You bet buddy.  During it he cares for me.  Not takes from me.  I am not a doll.  It's a first.  He falls to sleep.   His arm around me.  I cannot stay.  I don't know how.  I can't share a bed.  I will sleep on the couch.  

One more first.  We go out.  This woman comes up.  She is talking to Mark.  She is friendly.  I can see her actions.  It's attraction.  I ask him who is she.  He sais he used to date her.  They are just friends.  It's no control for me.  It's a first.  This pain is in me.  I don't know it.  I am jealous.  Larissa T is a jealous girl.

I sleep with Mark.  I listen to him breathing.  He is tired from working so much.  I struggle.  I don't know.  What if this is not real.  It's just like the rest.  I am silent crying.  He wakes.  Turns around.  He just hugs me.  Sais not to cry.  To sleep.  He sleeps.  In his skin I write it.  I write I love you.   He keeps sleeping.  He won't know.  My lips can't speak this.  I don't know how. 

On the radio is a song.  I like it.  It goes 2 is better than 1.   I walk and listen.  The trees have no leaves.  It's winter.  Not for me.  It's a first.  This song makes me think.  It makes me think of Mark.

It's Christmas.  We go out to eat.  Marky has no one.  Just a friend.  We can go to a pub.  Eat turkey.  We come home.  I get some wine.  He has beer.  It's Christmas eve.   We watch tv.  On the couch.  It's a first since I am a little girl.  It's a happy christmas for me.