I show Papa the big hotel in Banff. It's Banff Springs. It's where Unhappily Married took me. It's like a castle. We go to it. He wishes to take some pictures. It's me in this garden. It's me on the steps. In this hotel it's nice. There is a room for dancing. I imagine I am there getting married and I am dancing with my husband. I'm in a white dress and my hair is tied up. All wear suits. They can tap on the glasses and I can kiss him. I can live this dream in my mind. Maybe one day I can live it in this life. I doubt it. Still you can have a dream. A fantasy. Isn't this what I sell?
We stop in this cafe. It's very nice. I want to have a tea. Papa has a coffee. It's nice. I think about men. You know, you think maybe that all people that use an SP are dirty. Or can't get a girl. But it's not the truth. If you look around you you will see a man. This man will hire an SP in his life. I think all will. It's funny about this. No one will say they do but all do. It's hush hush. I look around at the tables and think all these men will hire a SP.
I sit there and think a bit. You know, most don't like my job. They spit at me. To them I don't matter. They hire me for my body. Not for me. I am a plastic doll to them. But Papa doesn't care. He does not say I am a whore. He says Call Girl. But he won't say it. He won't ask me about work. He sais to me he doesn't care about my job but I think he does. You can't say this at Easter dinner at the table. But his heart is good. I know he doesn't care I am an SP. In my life I don't treat him so good sometimes. As a teen girl I fight all the time. I am angry. I'm in trouble. I steal from the store. I am not a good daughter. And then I leave to be a whore. I don't call him much. I wish I do more. I hate my Mom. So I can't go to see him. If I go it's a fight for sure. She will drink then she will call me down. In all this he does not stop loving me. My mistakes are big in life. But Papa is there. When the others forget me, he doesn't. You know, I am not really his daughter. He just adopts me. Do you know, I wish I can have his last name? I don't like my last name. It's my Mom. I wish my name is his. I pray sometimes God will find Papa a good woman. But it won't happen. I think this is sad. How can a good man have so much bad in his life? It's not fair.
Do you wonder what he is like? Papa works with his hands. It's on big machines. His belly is big and his hair falls out on his head. He wears a ball cap. He is an average guy. I have this as a client. But for me, he is a beautiful man. Papa likes some things. He likes bowling. I don't do it. For him to sit on the porch and make a bbq is good. It's what he likes. When I am a little girl we go to the camp site. It's got this beach and Papa would take me to the water. In a plastic boat he would pull me around. We would go for a walk. He would take me fishing. I remember I can put a worm and catch a fish. Then we would let it go. I can catch 20 fishes in 1 hour. You can't eat them, just catch them and then let them go. Papa would make a fire and he would cook some dinner. Then after he would take me to get ice cream. It's this place. I know it. It's got this door. It's just a screen. You get the ice cream and sit on the picknic table. At night he would make a fire. I can sit on the chair and I am sleepy. But I wait up. The racoons come to the table. They try to steal the food lol. I remember one time I am lying there. It comes to me. It sniffs my leg. I look and it runs away. I want to pet this. There is chipmunks. If you take a peenut they will come to eat it. I remember. You can give this chipmunk 100 peenuts and it comes back. It can't eat them so I guess it hides it? All this time Papa is there. My Mom only drinks. She can't work. She just gets a bottle. She goes away for a weekend and doesn't come back. My Papa worries but she won't care. She is a bitch.
I remember. Papa takes me in these boats. They have pedals like a bike. You can ride in this small lake. We have fun. We chase the geese. We can't get them but we try. You can bring a pop on this boat. This is fun. I can spend all day in this boat I wished. Then after you can go swimming.
I look at Papa as we chat. I think how come life is like this. How come he can't have someone good? I know men. I know it well. He is not like these men. He is different. We go to leave and I decide each week I will call Papa. I let him down. Now I won't.
No comments:
Post a Comment