I am thinking. I look at Victoria and I think is this me? I think to myself, I complain that men spit at SP's but then I dislike almost all men. Not the person. Just all of them. I see Victoria. She has control. For her it's a thrill. Its her ego. I wonder is this me? I think about the future. Can I see a man and really love him? Can I appreciate him? Or do I just see him as something to control. To play with. It's like when I am a little girl. We have a cat. It catches a mouse. It don't eat the mouse it just knocks it around. I think what good comes from it. The mouse is dead. The cat gets nothing just the pleasure of hurting then killing. Then it laughs at the mouse as a playtoy. I think maybe this is me?
I must clear my head. No sex, no martini's, no late nights, no fast life. So what can I do I think? I know, I will call Papa and he can visit me. I can pay. It's easy for me to pay now. I call him.
I like to talk to Papa. To hear his voice is good. When I hear Papa I feel like I am a little girl again. He would take me to the swings and he would push me. It's what all little girls want. Their Papa to love them. I can remember we would drive to the petting area. I saw the deers and fed them. They ate some seeds I gave them. He would take me for an ice cream. It's at the Dairy Dip. It was a big deal. It was a treat for me. My Papa works with his hands. He has a big belly laugh too. No matter how tough life gets with Papa he is always happy. He is the only person to not let me down in life. I feel guilt because I let him down. Each day I think about this. I can stop thinking but this thought will come back.
I telephone Papa. I tell him can he come to see me? He tells me it's not so good at his work and its not so much money. Some men lose their jobs. I tell him it's ok because I can pay. I said he can stay at my house. He says he feels bad to take money from his baby but I tell him it's ok. I said when I am small you pay for me lol. We buy the ticket on the computer. Pretty neat. You can do anything with a computer you know. I think one day maybe they have a SP computer lol. No more job for Larissa.
Now I don't know. How can an SP go on a vacation? I can take a day off. Maybe two, but I want this week with Papa. No clients. Not even Unhappily Married. No one. If my Papa is here I won't do this job around him. Not for any man. I spend the week with him, no one else. No Victoria either. She doesn't meet him. No way. So I think, what can I do? If you are an SP you know some clients don't like if you contact. It's them calling you. Not you calling them. If you do this, they can get angry. So you don't. So I can't call them. I can't email them. I know I can change my message. But how about this email? It will have hundreds in a week. I can lose clients if I don't reply. I will find a way. I remember sometimes I mail a man at work. It will say he is not there. I bet you I can do this with my email too. If you have a question to find the answer you can ask. So I send an email to the email company. No one replies lol. I don't think that maybe they get 1 million emails each day lol. Then I call the computer store. The guy tells me no way. He doesn't fix this. So then I know. You can ask a question online. I sign up. I ask and very soon some people email me. I know the answer. Maybe you ask why don't I ask a client? I don't want a client to see my email. No way. Soon I learn it will send a message back lol. I think to write this message. Hello I am Larissa the CEO and I am on vacation. If you wish to find a new whore while I'm gone you can go to the Review Board lol.
So it's the day and Papa is coming. I'm like a little girl. I get a taxi to the airport to meet him. We drive in. I know this area well lol. It's a good place for work for me. I can tell you each hotel lol. Probably the man that watches the cameras knows me lol. I find where he will come in and wait. It's a long time as his flight takes time. I don't like to wait. I'm impatient. It's so boring waiting too. You can think in your head but that's it. I think I should get an iPod.
It says on the sign his plane is landed. I'm jumping in my brain.
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