Days Go Bye

The days go by.  In the title I say bye.  Because I know it now.  I will go to Greece.  Weeks pass.  We talk about it.  Mark says.  This is a chance.  It's 1 in 1 million.  It's Nana.  I can learn there.  Nana is a good woman.  No crazy people.  I can live the dream.  See Europe.  I can learn a job skill.  Mark sais.  It's the chance in life.  He sais sometimes these come once.   I ask him.  Do you hate me?  Wish me gone?   He looks at me.  I can tell I say the wrong thing.  He tells me no.  This decision is not made for him.  For me only.  He can support for forever.  But is this good for me?  No.  This is a terrible decison to make.  But sometiems it's life.   He tells me.  We can do the paperwork.  

I watch the ducks.  They are bigger babies now.  Inside I hurt.  I wish a chance.  I can get a job.  I can see Europe.  It's my dream.  But I must go.  And I can't take Mark.  He can't come.  If I go.  I can't see him.  Maybe 2 weeks a year.  I think many things.  He will get a new lover?  I can't.  I can't think of a new man.  I can throw up at this though.  I ask him.  You will get a lover.  He sais no.  He looks down.  Sais it's not for him.  It's for me.  This journey I take.  It must not stop.

Mark tells me.  He is younger.  Fed up in life.  So he quits his job.  He goes to Europe.  6 months.  He lives in a room.  Sleeps on the train.  He goes all over.  He goes with no friend.  Just himself.  He smells the ocean in Europe.  Eats the food.  He walks.  Listens to the music.  Dances in the club.  He feels life.  When he wishes money, he finds a job.  works cleaning a toilet.  Then goes.  After time.  He returns to Canada.  His head is clear.  He will change his life.  He starts a new job.  It's in computers.  He said this finds him.  Who he is.  He tells me.  Now I must go. 

Mark tells me.  You live for a dream.  He points.  You can see Calgary downtown?  I say yes.  He sais those people live the dream?   Do they breath life?  Do they love life?  He tells me.  If they die tomorrow are they happy.  Do they have dreams?  I don't think so.  He asks.  If you are old.  Do you care which house you had?  or the car?  Or the furniture.  He sais.  Tell me a memory of Mark and Larissa.   I tell him the club in Ontario.  He asks.  Is this what those people do.  In the office?  I don't think so.  He asks. It's what you want?  To breathe. Or to make a living.  I tell him Breathe.  He sais the answer is easy. 

I know it too.  He has did things.  Lived his dreams.  His father hates it.  Wishes he did the regular job.  But Marky won't.  He tells me.  His life is a journey.  Where does it end?  He don't know.  I think hard.  He dates a former whore.  Just because he takes risk.   I know he fails in life.  Sometimes to break his heart.  But he is here.  Next to me.  Because he makes a risk.  

I decide.  I will go to Greece.