More time has passed. I am a drunk and each day drinking. I have returned to smoking some crack. Crack is a fast way out. A rock is 20 bucks. I am careful. If the MP sees burns on my lips they will turf me. If you smoke rock you get burns from the pipe. It's how you tell.
It is a normal day like always. My head is sore and I am tired. I don't like the taxi driver and his music. He is trying to pick me up. Telling me I'm a pretty girl. I think whatever. I don't tip him. I get to work and I think not another day.
A client comes in. I get him to shower and I think ugh. He's a new guy. Never seen him before. The session starts. I am doing it doggy so I can't see his face. He keeps talking to me. He keeps saying his cock is huge and he bets I can't get enough. My head hurts and I just want this over. All I can feel is this guy in me and him saying over and over how big his cock is and how I will cum over and over.
Then he farts. And fucking god it stinks. And then he laughs and farts again.
This is when it all ends. I pulled away and turned and said FUCK YOU. He can have his money back because I'm finished. I get my clothes and I storm to the front desk. I tell the girl to fuck off. I go to the TV room. The girls are gossiping. I tell them fuck you. There is cups in there and I smash them all over the floor and keep saying fuck you I have had enough. The owner comes. She sais to me calm down. I tell her FUCK YOU. I scream I'm sick of this. I'm sick of sucking cocks. I'm sick of gross stinky fucking men with bad teeth telling me I'm hot. I'm sick of the liars. I'm sick of the cheaters. I'm sick of seeing wedding rings. I'm sick of men completely. I walk out hte door and get a taxi home. I think about Mr Big and I think FUCK HIM. Fuck everyone. I get home and I just drink. I light up the pipe and smoke. I don't leave for days. I don't eat I just smoke and drink. I think fuck it all. I will just die. For days I spend thinking about how I can just kill myself. I have nothing in this world. Nothing. No love. No friends. No family. Just a broken me. I continue on this binge. All my calories come from drinking. I began to think how to kill myself. There is no life for me. . I think how can I do it but I can't do it with pain. I can't cut myself. I think about pills but to get it I have to go to the doctor. I'm on pills now. I know I can't get some. He won't give them to me. This continues for almost one month. Mr Big comes over a few times. He knocks but I don't care. He calls, I don't answer. I don't want anyone. I want so bad to die. I want God to take me. Why is my life like this. I look out to the street. I see happy people. I see men that love thier women. I see people doing life. I see me as a prisoner.
Then I break down.
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