After almost 1 month I have did nothing. I just smoke rock. I just drink. But I hit the bottom. I know only one person that I have a little trust in. It is my Papa. He is my step Dad. I don't talk to him much because my Mom is there. But now I am desperate. So I know what I will do. I go to the Greyhound and get a ticket. My Papa lives in Guelph. It is 1 hour. I take the bus and look out the window. I try to not cry. I feel good to leave Toronto. I see the trees and the open fields. I wish I was a butterfly. I could sit on the flowers and all my problems are gone.
The bus comes to Guelph. Its the day. I don't know Guelph. It's been a long time. I know where Papa works. He is a blue collar man. Papa is my step dad. I don't know my real dad. But he treated me like I am his. I feel bad I don't call him but I hate my Mom. I get a taxi. I tell the taxi to go to this company. Papa works there. I get there and I ask for him. The woman says who are you. I say I am Larissa and I am his daughter. They make a page on the big speaker. In a few minutes Papa comes through the door. I can say nothing to him just run and hug him. I brake into crying. I just cry. He just stands there and holds me. After a bit he says to me to sit. I sit and cry and he tells his boss he must go. He takes me to the car. He says what is wrong. I tell him. I tell him I can't go on. I just blabber. Papa takes me to eat. He said I need food. He said we can go home but I said no, I don't want to see Mom. I don't like her. He said ok. He said he will take me to a hotel. He sits with me and the next day pretends to work but sees me. I tell him. I tell him I want help. I want a chance. He said he can get me a job at his company maybe. I said no. If they know I am a whore he will be ashamed. I cannot hurt Papa. I don't want him red faced. How can you work while others know your daughter is a whore? I cannot do this.
I stay in the hotel 1 week. In the daytime I walk in downtown and go to the big church. In Guelph is a big church on the hill. It's the biggest in town. I go inside there. I just sit. For the week I just walked in the river path. I see the swans. Swans find someone and stay for life. If the swan has only itself it's partner is gone. It won't get another.
Papa comes to see me. He says we will go for a drive. We drive. He talks to me. He said he has a friend that is a boss at a hotel. They need a maid cleaner. They can pay me and give me some place to sleep for a fee. I said where. He said it's in the mountains in Banff. I don't know it. He said it's small but I will like it. He said it is a chance. Papa asks me how much money I have. I tell him I am OK. I saved. A whore that gets lots of clients gets good money. Still he gets me a ticket and gives me some money. I will go to Banff. I must get a plane and then a bus. It's far away.
Papa comes to the airport. He wants me to see Mom but I don't. She will just laugh. She can now see her daughter is a real failure. Just like she said. He gives me a hug. He said I will do fine. He said I will call his cell if I need something. I go and I am unsure because it's my first plane ride. I remember the plane. The seat is small. It's a long trip too. We are coming into Calgary. Out the window you can mountains. I've never seen this. It's pretty. I find my way to the bus. I get the ticket and I go to Banff.
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