Time passes and I'm finished with the MP. I just slip away and say I have a square job. I don't. Instead I have regular clients now that want to see me. Also I have found the internet. A woman can work it. There are sites willing to advertise you. So I pay this fee. It's a cheap fee and gets me business.
If you become an indie, it's different than the MP. You can't find the security. You must make a judgement on each person you talk to. This is a tough part. But, you find most men will book you. You can say you need the cell phone and search it. Or you can read the email and search it. Most men are honest. They're just horny. There are many webplaces for SP's. I decided I would try one. I mean what the hell right. One problem if you advertise is that you get WOTS. A WOT is a waste of time. Its' a guy that calls to ask you stupid shit. He will tell you how he wants you to do things. It's 1800sex. I don't get paid so I don't talk.
I will become an Indie SP and work for myself. I can make a lot. For the first time in life, I am right in my judgement.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Screwing the SP
With this internet at my computer I learn I can sell myself online and also work the MP. I just use different names. I don't show a picture. The money is good. I can do two car dates in a week and make 5 browns. I made 2 browns at the fast food job. Soon I don't worry about my bank account and I have a real job. I stop taking more time. The boss says you don't want it and I say no, I am busy with another job. ha ha.
I keep working the MP but I learn to give my name and cell phone to the clients that return. I say call me. I say we can go for a date to have a drink. I don't care to date them but I need the money. Some do call, usually if they are drinking lol. I will go out with them on social time. We can drink. They will pay the bill then always want more. Very soon I have regulars that call me to see me at my house or at their office. With this money I get some great clothes. I want to look sexy but not like a whore.
Soon the MP becomes just a place to go to find a potential client and steal it. The MP boss won't like it. But now Larissa is in control of being a SP. It's the first time too. Before the MP had me, now I have the MP.
Some months pass and I'm doing well again. So well that I am now a SP all over so I quit the food job. Who cares for it? They treat me like an animal. Now I have men that pay me. I control it. I can say yes or no. It's not like in Toronto. I make the decisions. I think I found a good thing.
I keep working the MP but I learn to give my name and cell phone to the clients that return. I say call me. I say we can go for a date to have a drink. I don't care to date them but I need the money. Some do call, usually if they are drinking lol. I will go out with them on social time. We can drink. They will pay the bill then always want more. Very soon I have regulars that call me to see me at my house or at their office. With this money I get some great clothes. I want to look sexy but not like a whore.
Soon the MP becomes just a place to go to find a potential client and steal it. The MP boss won't like it. But now Larissa is in control of being a SP. It's the first time too. Before the MP had me, now I have the MP.
Some months pass and I'm doing well again. So well that I am now a SP all over so I quit the food job. Who cares for it? They treat me like an animal. Now I have men that pay me. I control it. I can say yes or no. It's not like in Toronto. I make the decisions. I think I found a good thing.
More Car Dates
I love Calgary. I love it because here a SW can make some good money. If you are so young and good looking men will pay for it. It's not like Toronto so much. Most of the girls charge a good amount. I learn to charge high. Maybe they will bicker. They do, but I get what I want.
It's one week later and I have enough to get a laptop. I take the C train in Calgary to the store. I get a laptop and I get internet. I don't know it. I will find out how it works. It's pretty cool. The first thing I start to learn is how to use it. I can see that some women are now using the internet to work. You don't need the street corner or the MP you can just use the internet. I decide I will do this but only part time. I can make a few bucks while I work toward a real job.
With this computer and internet, I search out for an MP. There are some. This internet makes it easy to find it. In 5 minutes you can find 10. I write some names and I set out to see.
Unlike before, I am not needing to drink or find drugs. I go out to talk to the owners. Ask them what is the price for the room and what's the cut. They tell me. I can make a decision. I find one that's close to where I live. It's a good deal. I set this plan. I can do the MP for 3 months then I will leave and I will become what is know as an indie.
I find an MP. The place is pretty good and it's clean. It gives girls a good option. I know I'm not here for long so I will make all the money I can. I do. A few days a week I go to downtown and work the corner. Calgary is good. The money on the corner is huge money. I hear that some women make 5 browns. I think 5 browns for FS? That's never heard of before. What I learn about Calgary is watch for the car. Know it's model. If it's a good car, it comes with money. Not so long after the money I make at this fast food job is nothing. It's one hour as an SP. I am an SP again but this time I control my life. This time it's better.
It's one week later and I have enough to get a laptop. I take the C train in Calgary to the store. I get a laptop and I get internet. I don't know it. I will find out how it works. It's pretty cool. The first thing I start to learn is how to use it. I can see that some women are now using the internet to work. You don't need the street corner or the MP you can just use the internet. I decide I will do this but only part time. I can make a few bucks while I work toward a real job.
With this computer and internet, I search out for an MP. There are some. This internet makes it easy to find it. In 5 minutes you can find 10. I write some names and I set out to see.
Unlike before, I am not needing to drink or find drugs. I go out to talk to the owners. Ask them what is the price for the room and what's the cut. They tell me. I can make a decision. I find one that's close to where I live. It's a good deal. I set this plan. I can do the MP for 3 months then I will leave and I will become what is know as an indie.
I find an MP. The place is pretty good and it's clean. It gives girls a good option. I know I'm not here for long so I will make all the money I can. I do. A few days a week I go to downtown and work the corner. Calgary is good. The money on the corner is huge money. I hear that some women make 5 browns. I think 5 browns for FS? That's never heard of before. What I learn about Calgary is watch for the car. Know it's model. If it's a good car, it comes with money. Not so long after the money I make at this fast food job is nothing. It's one hour as an SP. I am an SP again but this time I control my life. This time it's better.
An SP once more
A month passes and I'm working at this food place. Each time I work it's the same. You learn to tune out all around you. The shirt is itchy. The people there don't care. I think if you eat this food, you are crazy. They don't care so much.
I am drinking. It's Saturday and I think about money. My SP money can last only so long at this rate. If you work just a few days a week at a small wage soon you are poor. I still have money left but I don't want it to get smaller. I keep drinking that night.
Soon I am tipsy. When a person is tipsy they are bold. I decide I will go out. I take the bus downtown. I'm in a skirt with heels. Already I know where I'm going. I know the way. I get down near Eau Claire. The street is dark. I can see SW's on the corner but not so many. I find a place and I wait. As the car goes by I look at the driver. If it's a single man, you look. If not, you don't look.
I think I am there only 20 minutes when this big SUV pulls up. Inside is a guy. Not so good but to own this he has money. If you are a SW you make a judgment with your eyes. A man with lots of money that needs a blow job can be convinced lol. If you are a woman that does car dates you know it.
He tells me he is stressed and I say I can help this. I ask him the questions. You always ask some questions. If you are a SW you know it. If not, I won't say. He tells me so I know I'm good. He drives for a bit. He says he needs a release. This guy is in a suit. I am thinking I have hit payola lol. Also I see his wedding ring. A man with a wedding ring will not make trouble. He's got something to lose.
So I ask him, what would he like. Before he says it, I tell him I am young. I tell him I adore a man that is older for the maturity. They are better lovers. It's all bullshit but so what. He will believe it. He does. I start to tease him, feel him and I said he can have what he wants covered for 3 browns. It's 300. He's horny so he has it. I even kiss him. It's a good session, he's ok. When it's done he thanks me and asks if I want a ride home. I said not home but near home. He does. I'm safe. He has a wife. He stops and I tell him my name. I give him my phone number. I say I do dates at my house if you want. I have a client. Maybe he will call, I don't know.
I look at this money having a coffee later. I think I will do something. I will get a laptop. If I get a laptop I can use this internet thing to get some dates. I am an SP again. But I think this time I will be different. I don't want the MP.
I am drinking. It's Saturday and I think about money. My SP money can last only so long at this rate. If you work just a few days a week at a small wage soon you are poor. I still have money left but I don't want it to get smaller. I keep drinking that night.
Soon I am tipsy. When a person is tipsy they are bold. I decide I will go out. I take the bus downtown. I'm in a skirt with heels. Already I know where I'm going. I know the way. I get down near Eau Claire. The street is dark. I can see SW's on the corner but not so many. I find a place and I wait. As the car goes by I look at the driver. If it's a single man, you look. If not, you don't look.
I think I am there only 20 minutes when this big SUV pulls up. Inside is a guy. Not so good but to own this he has money. If you are a SW you make a judgment with your eyes. A man with lots of money that needs a blow job can be convinced lol. If you are a woman that does car dates you know it.
He tells me he is stressed and I say I can help this. I ask him the questions. You always ask some questions. If you are a SW you know it. If not, I won't say. He tells me so I know I'm good. He drives for a bit. He says he needs a release. This guy is in a suit. I am thinking I have hit payola lol. Also I see his wedding ring. A man with a wedding ring will not make trouble. He's got something to lose.
So I ask him, what would he like. Before he says it, I tell him I am young. I tell him I adore a man that is older for the maturity. They are better lovers. It's all bullshit but so what. He will believe it. He does. I start to tease him, feel him and I said he can have what he wants covered for 3 browns. It's 300. He's horny so he has it. I even kiss him. It's a good session, he's ok. When it's done he thanks me and asks if I want a ride home. I said not home but near home. He does. I'm safe. He has a wife. He stops and I tell him my name. I give him my phone number. I say I do dates at my house if you want. I have a client. Maybe he will call, I don't know.
I look at this money having a coffee later. I think I will do something. I will get a laptop. If I get a laptop I can use this internet thing to get some dates. I am an SP again. But I think this time I will be different. I don't want the MP.
Still no job
Each day I take out the applications but no one calls me. I wait. It's tiring. You are frustrated. How can it be so hard to find a bad job. I know it's because I have no history of work. No one will hire you without work. Maybe if you have kids and raised them. But I am young. I don't have kids. I am lucky. I have money from being a SP. If you are an SP you should save money. Don't have retail therapy. You save it. Get a bank account.
Then one day I get this phone call. It's for a job. Can I go see them. I say of course. I go there. It's not a good job but at a food place. I will work just part time and for terrible money. I must wear this uniform. Still I want to make it. I want to be normal. I don't like the job. All around me is kids working who are spoiled. They think they can be rich by 22. I look at them. I think you don't know hardship. You work at this job to buy another cell phone. Life is so spoiled you don't know it. Worst is they make some of these people the boss. How can you be a boss and 19? At 19 you cannot know life. I was an SP at 19 and I didn't know life.
I keep working and if they ask me to work other hours I do. The job is bad and you work so hard. They don't treat you good. So when I don't work I go look for another job. I think maybe I can be a waitress. Or a bartender. It's good money. But all want you to have experience. This food job is dead end. If the work is bad then how others treat you is worse. They see you as a loser. How can you do this job? You must quit school. I work this cashier job. People are mean. They see you as nothing. They aren't so much. They just work in an office. So what. I can make your weeks pay in 4 hours. The worst is women. They treat you worse than a man. A man is usually polite but only because he wants sex. The worst is people that want all these changes. They must have 2 pickle pieces on the burger. It's a big deal? I think who cares. You learn most people are spoiled. They don't even know.
You can work for a few days a week only so long until the money gets used up.
Then one day I get this phone call. It's for a job. Can I go see them. I say of course. I go there. It's not a good job but at a food place. I will work just part time and for terrible money. I must wear this uniform. Still I want to make it. I want to be normal. I don't like the job. All around me is kids working who are spoiled. They think they can be rich by 22. I look at them. I think you don't know hardship. You work at this job to buy another cell phone. Life is so spoiled you don't know it. Worst is they make some of these people the boss. How can you be a boss and 19? At 19 you cannot know life. I was an SP at 19 and I didn't know life.
I keep working and if they ask me to work other hours I do. The job is bad and you work so hard. They don't treat you good. So when I don't work I go look for another job. I think maybe I can be a waitress. Or a bartender. It's good money. But all want you to have experience. This food job is dead end. If the work is bad then how others treat you is worse. They see you as a loser. How can you do this job? You must quit school. I work this cashier job. People are mean. They see you as nothing. They aren't so much. They just work in an office. So what. I can make your weeks pay in 4 hours. The worst is women. They treat you worse than a man. A man is usually polite but only because he wants sex. The worst is people that want all these changes. They must have 2 pickle pieces on the burger. It's a big deal? I think who cares. You learn most people are spoiled. They don't even know.
You can work for a few days a week only so long until the money gets used up.
Job Hunting
Now I have a room to live in. It's not so good but it's a room. So I know now I must go find a job. I don't have a computer at this time. I can't use the internet. So I go from place to place and I fill in the forms. Some places don't do this they say to bring in a resume. This is all fine and dandy but I don't have a resume. I don't know how to make a resume. I don't have a computer to make it either. Maybe I can go to the library but for what? My resume will say I have 1 job in life? They will say what is your experience. I will say I cleaned hotel rooms for half a summer. They will ask what I do before this? What can I say. They will think I am a stripper. No one hires this.
But, I will still try. I apply at some hotels but fall is the slow time. So I try other places. I go to the supermarket and to fast food. I really don't want this job. But I must try.
To go look for a job is tough. You go from place to place and fill out the same forms then give it to the person. They seem disintersted in you. They probably put it in the trash. How many times can you do this before you want to stop? 10? Each day you wake up and go and fill out a form. It's stupid. You must fill out your interests on these forms. It matters? If matters what I like when I want to cook a hamburger in a fast food place?
One time this guy gives me a form. He's not a good person. He asks me why I want to work there. He says he wants hard workers and am I one. I haven't even filled out the form. He asks some more questions. He keeps looking at my tits while he talks. He gives me the form. I don't have a pen so I ask him. To this he gives me a dirty look. I think fuck this guy.
So I fill out the form. Then I think no way. So I put in a fake name and address. It says previous employment. So I put in the MP lol. And is says job duties. In there I put that I suck the cocks of men just like you. It says hourly rate. I put $250. I take this and put it on the counter and I say thank you and walk out. I laugh thinking he will read it.
If you become a whore, it's best to keep a square job. This way you have some experience. You can use this to get another job if you leave. People don't ask questions. If you have no past work what did you do for 5 years? People think bad all the time. I can say one thing to you do not just be a whore. In the end it will catch up to you.
But, I will still try. I apply at some hotels but fall is the slow time. So I try other places. I go to the supermarket and to fast food. I really don't want this job. But I must try.
To go look for a job is tough. You go from place to place and fill out the same forms then give it to the person. They seem disintersted in you. They probably put it in the trash. How many times can you do this before you want to stop? 10? Each day you wake up and go and fill out a form. It's stupid. You must fill out your interests on these forms. It matters? If matters what I like when I want to cook a hamburger in a fast food place?
One time this guy gives me a form. He's not a good person. He asks me why I want to work there. He says he wants hard workers and am I one. I haven't even filled out the form. He asks some more questions. He keeps looking at my tits while he talks. He gives me the form. I don't have a pen so I ask him. To this he gives me a dirty look. I think fuck this guy.
So I fill out the form. Then I think no way. So I put in a fake name and address. It says previous employment. So I put in the MP lol. And is says job duties. In there I put that I suck the cocks of men just like you. It says hourly rate. I put $250. I take this and put it on the counter and I say thank you and walk out. I laugh thinking he will read it.
If you become a whore, it's best to keep a square job. This way you have some experience. You can use this to get another job if you leave. People don't ask questions. If you have no past work what did you do for 5 years? People think bad all the time. I can say one thing to you do not just be a whore. In the end it will catch up to you.
Laid off
One thing I don't know about this job as a maid is that in the winter less people come so there is less work. After the summer is over I notice we do less work. Soon we work only 6 hours a day. Then there is 3 days off. One day I am told that there is no more work. For the first time I am laid off. I don't know what to do. Suddenly now I have nothing again. And because I live in this house only for the hotel I don't have much time to find a place.
What makes me angry is those from Asia kept the job. They are there 2 years. How come they can come to Canada and steal my job? It's not fair if you ask me. The manager of the hotel says I can stay 7 days in the room till I find a new place. I go to the other places and ask for a job but there is no job. Its the slow time. I'm new. Now I have no job.
I call my Papa and tell him. He said not to give up. He said I can go to Calgary for work. It's close. I pack my stuff up and I leave on the bus but I have no place to go in Calgary. I know I can find a place to rent for a night that is cheap. I have saved all my money I earned plus I have SP money still. It's good. I know I can live a while without a job. I get to Calgary and I call Papa. He tells me not to worry and he says I can go to this hotel. He has paid for it for me. It's just a few days to help me out. This hotel is in Eau Claire. I tell the taxi to go there. It's a pretty nice place when I get there. I ask the hotel if they have a job as I am a maid but they say there is no jobs. The lady tells me about other hotels downtown and I can go there. First I must go live someplace. First you find a place. Then you find a job.
I find a room for rent which you pay by the week. I can move in the end of the week. I stay in the hotel until then. I like this area around Eau Claire market. I decide to walk around to see Calgary. As I am walking I notice a street walker. It's near what I later learn is the French Maid. This area doesn't look like where you would find a street walker.
What makes me angry is those from Asia kept the job. They are there 2 years. How come they can come to Canada and steal my job? It's not fair if you ask me. The manager of the hotel says I can stay 7 days in the room till I find a new place. I go to the other places and ask for a job but there is no job. Its the slow time. I'm new. Now I have no job.
I call my Papa and tell him. He said not to give up. He said I can go to Calgary for work. It's close. I pack my stuff up and I leave on the bus but I have no place to go in Calgary. I know I can find a place to rent for a night that is cheap. I have saved all my money I earned plus I have SP money still. It's good. I know I can live a while without a job. I get to Calgary and I call Papa. He tells me not to worry and he says I can go to this hotel. He has paid for it for me. It's just a few days to help me out. This hotel is in Eau Claire. I tell the taxi to go there. It's a pretty nice place when I get there. I ask the hotel if they have a job as I am a maid but they say there is no jobs. The lady tells me about other hotels downtown and I can go there. First I must go live someplace. First you find a place. Then you find a job.
I find a room for rent which you pay by the week. I can move in the end of the week. I stay in the hotel until then. I like this area around Eau Claire market. I decide to walk around to see Calgary. As I am walking I notice a street walker. It's near what I later learn is the French Maid. This area doesn't look like where you would find a street walker.
Day 1 on the job
I like sleeping so I go to bed early. I wake up and I have to go to my first day on the job. I am nervous but this guy knows it. He lets me meet this woman. She is the boss of cleaning the rooms. She sais I will work with this older woman. The woman is nice. She shows me how to do things. We clean each room. It looks easy but it's tough. To pull the sheets from the bed is tough. It's heavy too. You scrub and clean. We do our rooms and then the day is over. I am so tired. I have never worked so hard. I know I should get some food but I am too tired. I pick up food walking home, eat and go to sleep.
After 3 days I can clean my own rooms. I get a list and I work. This job is OK. Some rooms you clean full, others just need towels and a vacuum. What I don't like is being alone with a man in the room. It's just me. I don't feel good.
The job is hard work. You sweat doing it. You leave and you are tired. In Banff the weekend for a worker is Monday. It's the night you go out. I would go out with the others. They would spend time on the phone and using the computer talking to family. I remember how neat I think the internet is. These people would chat to friends around the world and it's free. If you are a maid in the hotel, sometimes a guy would show you his cock. He wants you to see it. The other maids would complain. I would think I have seen 2000 of them what is another? At least I don't have to suck on it. Some people are nice too. They leave you money as a tip. Some are not nice. They treat you like you are nothing. Well I can tell you the maid job is hard work. I can have full sex 2 times and make the wages of a maid for 5 days. There are times when you clean shit stains from a toilet seat working as a SP isn't so bad. But, for now I am happy. This is not a great job but it's a job.
After 3 days I can clean my own rooms. I get a list and I work. This job is OK. Some rooms you clean full, others just need towels and a vacuum. What I don't like is being alone with a man in the room. It's just me. I don't feel good.
The job is hard work. You sweat doing it. You leave and you are tired. In Banff the weekend for a worker is Monday. It's the night you go out. I would go out with the others. They would spend time on the phone and using the computer talking to family. I remember how neat I think the internet is. These people would chat to friends around the world and it's free. If you are a maid in the hotel, sometimes a guy would show you his cock. He wants you to see it. The other maids would complain. I would think I have seen 2000 of them what is another? At least I don't have to suck on it. Some people are nice too. They leave you money as a tip. Some are not nice. They treat you like you are nothing. Well I can tell you the maid job is hard work. I can have full sex 2 times and make the wages of a maid for 5 days. There are times when you clean shit stains from a toilet seat working as a SP isn't so bad. But, for now I am happy. This is not a great job but it's a job.
Banff the town in the mountains
I remember taking the bus to Banff. You come first to Canmore and the bus will stop for 1 minute. Then it goes to Banff. If you don't know it, this place is beautiful. All around is trees and big mountains. Though this is long ago I can remember how I felt. Like all my struggles were gone. It is like the bad world was behind me.
I can tell you about Banff. I have gone many times. In the years ahead of this I would go there to find quiet. It's an escape and it's better than having a drink. I will talk about this later.
When I get off the bus I am there. It feels different. I get the suitcase from under the bus. I have a map and this hotel is not so far to go. Around me it was so busy. Everywhere is people. It's a nice town and the mountains are all around. I pull this suitcase behind me and walk to this place. I am scared now. Right now the life of an SP seems easy. Suddenly it doesn't seem so bad. Its' because I don't know this new life.
The hotel is pretty nice. I go to the front and I ask for this mans name. I'm scared now. This is not my world. All this time I wanted a new life but here it is and I want to go back. Out comes this man to meet me. And it's a dream! I can tell right away this guy is gay lol. He shakes my hand and tells me to come with him. We will first go to where I will stay. It's a house. He drives me in this van. I don't like any vans because a van is an SP's enemy. I feel safe. We go to the house. It's a nice house and inside it's got people. Almost all the people are young and they are asian. I learn later they are from the Philippines. I get this small room. I remember it. It had a bed and a desk. The boss said to me it's free internet too. Only I don't even know what that is really lol. It's got room for my clothes too. I get a key for the room. He said I will share the bathroom and kitchen. He said the rules are be clean. The people living there are young but they are nice. They don't know me. After I put down my things we go back to the hotel. I fill out some forms. Then he shows me the hotel. I will be a maid. He shows me the rooms. I can clean good. I'm a clean person. You can ask anyone. After some more talk he tells me I will start tomorrow working with someone. Now I can go.
I leave and walk out to Banff. All around me is busy. The sky is blue. I think I am free. I will not make so much but I can work. I go to find a place to eat. I find this big place I don't remember the name. It has antlers. It's got wooden tables. I stop and have some food. I feel so free. I remember feeling like being a new born girl again.
After I eat I walked to the house. It's the end of the day and many are there. They are nice people. They invited me to sit. All had come here for a job to send money home. All would be my work mates. They had come here to work.
I felt better. They were nice. Tomorrow was my first day. They went to bed early. I would learn this because this job was tough.
I can tell you about Banff. I have gone many times. In the years ahead of this I would go there to find quiet. It's an escape and it's better than having a drink. I will talk about this later.
When I get off the bus I am there. It feels different. I get the suitcase from under the bus. I have a map and this hotel is not so far to go. Around me it was so busy. Everywhere is people. It's a nice town and the mountains are all around. I pull this suitcase behind me and walk to this place. I am scared now. Right now the life of an SP seems easy. Suddenly it doesn't seem so bad. Its' because I don't know this new life.
The hotel is pretty nice. I go to the front and I ask for this mans name. I'm scared now. This is not my world. All this time I wanted a new life but here it is and I want to go back. Out comes this man to meet me. And it's a dream! I can tell right away this guy is gay lol. He shakes my hand and tells me to come with him. We will first go to where I will stay. It's a house. He drives me in this van. I don't like any vans because a van is an SP's enemy. I feel safe. We go to the house. It's a nice house and inside it's got people. Almost all the people are young and they are asian. I learn later they are from the Philippines. I get this small room. I remember it. It had a bed and a desk. The boss said to me it's free internet too. Only I don't even know what that is really lol. It's got room for my clothes too. I get a key for the room. He said I will share the bathroom and kitchen. He said the rules are be clean. The people living there are young but they are nice. They don't know me. After I put down my things we go back to the hotel. I fill out some forms. Then he shows me the hotel. I will be a maid. He shows me the rooms. I can clean good. I'm a clean person. You can ask anyone. After some more talk he tells me I will start tomorrow working with someone. Now I can go.
I leave and walk out to Banff. All around me is busy. The sky is blue. I think I am free. I will not make so much but I can work. I go to find a place to eat. I find this big place I don't remember the name. It has antlers. It's got wooden tables. I stop and have some food. I feel so free. I remember feeling like being a new born girl again.
After I eat I walked to the house. It's the end of the day and many are there. They are nice people. They invited me to sit. All had come here for a job to send money home. All would be my work mates. They had come here to work.
I felt better. They were nice. Tomorrow was my first day. They went to bed early. I would learn this because this job was tough.
Going Away
After almost 1 month I have did nothing. I just smoke rock. I just drink. But I hit the bottom. I know only one person that I have a little trust in. It is my Papa. He is my step Dad. I don't talk to him much because my Mom is there. But now I am desperate. So I know what I will do. I go to the Greyhound and get a ticket. My Papa lives in Guelph. It is 1 hour. I take the bus and look out the window. I try to not cry. I feel good to leave Toronto. I see the trees and the open fields. I wish I was a butterfly. I could sit on the flowers and all my problems are gone.
The bus comes to Guelph. Its the day. I don't know Guelph. It's been a long time. I know where Papa works. He is a blue collar man. Papa is my step dad. I don't know my real dad. But he treated me like I am his. I feel bad I don't call him but I hate my Mom. I get a taxi. I tell the taxi to go to this company. Papa works there. I get there and I ask for him. The woman says who are you. I say I am Larissa and I am his daughter. They make a page on the big speaker. In a few minutes Papa comes through the door. I can say nothing to him just run and hug him. I brake into crying. I just cry. He just stands there and holds me. After a bit he says to me to sit. I sit and cry and he tells his boss he must go. He takes me to the car. He says what is wrong. I tell him. I tell him I can't go on. I just blabber. Papa takes me to eat. He said I need food. He said we can go home but I said no, I don't want to see Mom. I don't like her. He said ok. He said he will take me to a hotel. He sits with me and the next day pretends to work but sees me. I tell him. I tell him I want help. I want a chance. He said he can get me a job at his company maybe. I said no. If they know I am a whore he will be ashamed. I cannot hurt Papa. I don't want him red faced. How can you work while others know your daughter is a whore? I cannot do this.
I stay in the hotel 1 week. In the daytime I walk in downtown and go to the big church. In Guelph is a big church on the hill. It's the biggest in town. I go inside there. I just sit. For the week I just walked in the river path. I see the swans. Swans find someone and stay for life. If the swan has only itself it's partner is gone. It won't get another.
Papa comes to see me. He says we will go for a drive. We drive. He talks to me. He said he has a friend that is a boss at a hotel. They need a maid cleaner. They can pay me and give me some place to sleep for a fee. I said where. He said it's in the mountains in Banff. I don't know it. He said it's small but I will like it. He said it is a chance. Papa asks me how much money I have. I tell him I am OK. I saved. A whore that gets lots of clients gets good money. Still he gets me a ticket and gives me some money. I will go to Banff. I must get a plane and then a bus. It's far away.
Papa comes to the airport. He wants me to see Mom but I don't. She will just laugh. She can now see her daughter is a real failure. Just like she said. He gives me a hug. He said I will do fine. He said I will call his cell if I need something. I go and I am unsure because it's my first plane ride. I remember the plane. The seat is small. It's a long trip too. We are coming into Calgary. Out the window you can mountains. I've never seen this. It's pretty. I find my way to the bus. I get the ticket and I go to Banff.
The bus comes to Guelph. Its the day. I don't know Guelph. It's been a long time. I know where Papa works. He is a blue collar man. Papa is my step dad. I don't know my real dad. But he treated me like I am his. I feel bad I don't call him but I hate my Mom. I get a taxi. I tell the taxi to go to this company. Papa works there. I get there and I ask for him. The woman says who are you. I say I am Larissa and I am his daughter. They make a page on the big speaker. In a few minutes Papa comes through the door. I can say nothing to him just run and hug him. I brake into crying. I just cry. He just stands there and holds me. After a bit he says to me to sit. I sit and cry and he tells his boss he must go. He takes me to the car. He says what is wrong. I tell him. I tell him I can't go on. I just blabber. Papa takes me to eat. He said I need food. He said we can go home but I said no, I don't want to see Mom. I don't like her. He said ok. He said he will take me to a hotel. He sits with me and the next day pretends to work but sees me. I tell him. I tell him I want help. I want a chance. He said he can get me a job at his company maybe. I said no. If they know I am a whore he will be ashamed. I cannot hurt Papa. I don't want him red faced. How can you work while others know your daughter is a whore? I cannot do this.
I stay in the hotel 1 week. In the daytime I walk in downtown and go to the big church. In Guelph is a big church on the hill. It's the biggest in town. I go inside there. I just sit. For the week I just walked in the river path. I see the swans. Swans find someone and stay for life. If the swan has only itself it's partner is gone. It won't get another.
Papa comes to see me. He says we will go for a drive. We drive. He talks to me. He said he has a friend that is a boss at a hotel. They need a maid cleaner. They can pay me and give me some place to sleep for a fee. I said where. He said it's in the mountains in Banff. I don't know it. He said it's small but I will like it. He said it is a chance. Papa asks me how much money I have. I tell him I am OK. I saved. A whore that gets lots of clients gets good money. Still he gets me a ticket and gives me some money. I will go to Banff. I must get a plane and then a bus. It's far away.
Papa comes to the airport. He wants me to see Mom but I don't. She will just laugh. She can now see her daughter is a real failure. Just like she said. He gives me a hug. He said I will do fine. He said I will call his cell if I need something. I go and I am unsure because it's my first plane ride. I remember the plane. The seat is small. It's a long trip too. We are coming into Calgary. Out the window you can mountains. I've never seen this. It's pretty. I find my way to the bus. I get the ticket and I go to Banff.
Larissa blows up
More time has passed. I am a drunk and each day drinking. I have returned to smoking some crack. Crack is a fast way out. A rock is 20 bucks. I am careful. If the MP sees burns on my lips they will turf me. If you smoke rock you get burns from the pipe. It's how you tell.
It is a normal day like always. My head is sore and I am tired. I don't like the taxi driver and his music. He is trying to pick me up. Telling me I'm a pretty girl. I think whatever. I don't tip him. I get to work and I think not another day.
A client comes in. I get him to shower and I think ugh. He's a new guy. Never seen him before. The session starts. I am doing it doggy so I can't see his face. He keeps talking to me. He keeps saying his cock is huge and he bets I can't get enough. My head hurts and I just want this over. All I can feel is this guy in me and him saying over and over how big his cock is and how I will cum over and over.
Then he farts. And fucking god it stinks. And then he laughs and farts again.
This is when it all ends. I pulled away and turned and said FUCK YOU. He can have his money back because I'm finished. I get my clothes and I storm to the front desk. I tell the girl to fuck off. I go to the TV room. The girls are gossiping. I tell them fuck you. There is cups in there and I smash them all over the floor and keep saying fuck you I have had enough. The owner comes. She sais to me calm down. I tell her FUCK YOU. I scream I'm sick of this. I'm sick of sucking cocks. I'm sick of gross stinky fucking men with bad teeth telling me I'm hot. I'm sick of the liars. I'm sick of the cheaters. I'm sick of seeing wedding rings. I'm sick of men completely. I walk out hte door and get a taxi home. I think about Mr Big and I think FUCK HIM. Fuck everyone. I get home and I just drink. I light up the pipe and smoke. I don't leave for days. I don't eat I just smoke and drink. I think fuck it all. I will just die. For days I spend thinking about how I can just kill myself. I have nothing in this world. Nothing. No love. No friends. No family. Just a broken me. I continue on this binge. All my calories come from drinking. I began to think how to kill myself. There is no life for me. . I think how can I do it but I can't do it with pain. I can't cut myself. I think about pills but to get it I have to go to the doctor. I'm on pills now. I know I can't get some. He won't give them to me. This continues for almost one month. Mr Big comes over a few times. He knocks but I don't care. He calls, I don't answer. I don't want anyone. I want so bad to die. I want God to take me. Why is my life like this. I look out to the street. I see happy people. I see men that love thier women. I see people doing life. I see me as a prisoner.
Then I break down.
It is a normal day like always. My head is sore and I am tired. I don't like the taxi driver and his music. He is trying to pick me up. Telling me I'm a pretty girl. I think whatever. I don't tip him. I get to work and I think not another day.
A client comes in. I get him to shower and I think ugh. He's a new guy. Never seen him before. The session starts. I am doing it doggy so I can't see his face. He keeps talking to me. He keeps saying his cock is huge and he bets I can't get enough. My head hurts and I just want this over. All I can feel is this guy in me and him saying over and over how big his cock is and how I will cum over and over.
Then he farts. And fucking god it stinks. And then he laughs and farts again.
This is when it all ends. I pulled away and turned and said FUCK YOU. He can have his money back because I'm finished. I get my clothes and I storm to the front desk. I tell the girl to fuck off. I go to the TV room. The girls are gossiping. I tell them fuck you. There is cups in there and I smash them all over the floor and keep saying fuck you I have had enough. The owner comes. She sais to me calm down. I tell her FUCK YOU. I scream I'm sick of this. I'm sick of sucking cocks. I'm sick of gross stinky fucking men with bad teeth telling me I'm hot. I'm sick of the liars. I'm sick of the cheaters. I'm sick of seeing wedding rings. I'm sick of men completely. I walk out hte door and get a taxi home. I think about Mr Big and I think FUCK HIM. Fuck everyone. I get home and I just drink. I light up the pipe and smoke. I don't leave for days. I don't eat I just smoke and drink. I think fuck it all. I will just die. For days I spend thinking about how I can just kill myself. I have nothing in this world. Nothing. No love. No friends. No family. Just a broken me. I continue on this binge. All my calories come from drinking. I began to think how to kill myself. There is no life for me. . I think how can I do it but I can't do it with pain. I can't cut myself. I think about pills but to get it I have to go to the doctor. I'm on pills now. I know I can't get some. He won't give them to me. This continues for almost one month. Mr Big comes over a few times. He knocks but I don't care. He calls, I don't answer. I don't want anyone. I want so bad to die. I want God to take me. Why is my life like this. I look out to the street. I see happy people. I see men that love thier women. I see people doing life. I see me as a prisoner.
Then I break down.
The beginning of the end
More time has passed and my life is now falling to pieces. Mr Big isn't Mr Big anymore, he's an asshole. A part in me loves him still I think. But some does not. Inside my mind I fight everyday. I am stressed and angry all the time. I still work at the MP but I am fed up. Even with the regulars. I'm sick of men entirely. It's very hard to be an SP if you hate men. I am tired of sucking their cock. I'm tired of them bragging how big they are. I am tired of everything they say. If I walk up the street I don't even see men. I'm that bitch with sunglasses on that doesn't see you. I don't smile at you. I only say a thank you softly. If you talk to me, I answer with one word so you will go the fuck away. I don't go see my boyfriend much. It makes him mad so he comes to the MP and fucks the spinner. I just think good for her. She can have this asshole.
To escape my problems I am drinking all the time. It's 7 days a week now. It's so much the woman at the LCBO must know me by name. It's the point where I drink from the bottle until I fall to sleep. Who needs a glass? I start to hate myself. I know one other drunk and she is my Mom. I dislike her. Even at Christmas I don't go see her. But now I am here. Now I am a failure too. But I can't stop it. I work at the MP and it's the same shit. I'm so fucking sick of it. Here is how my life was. I wake up and feel horrible from drinking and I think I must stop this. I get to work. I hate work. I come home and I open a bottle. I have no real friends. No one to talk too. But if I drink it goes away for a little while. My only escape is that I go to Church Street to a Lesbian bar. There I can find some comfort. But this comfort is shallow. It only lasts a bit.
You keep reaching for the Merlot. I go see the doctor and he says I am depressed so he gives me pills. It's great, just another crutch to hide what's wrong. But I take them.
To escape my problems I am drinking all the time. It's 7 days a week now. It's so much the woman at the LCBO must know me by name. It's the point where I drink from the bottle until I fall to sleep. Who needs a glass? I start to hate myself. I know one other drunk and she is my Mom. I dislike her. Even at Christmas I don't go see her. But now I am here. Now I am a failure too. But I can't stop it. I work at the MP and it's the same shit. I'm so fucking sick of it. Here is how my life was. I wake up and feel horrible from drinking and I think I must stop this. I get to work. I hate work. I come home and I open a bottle. I have no real friends. No one to talk too. But if I drink it goes away for a little while. My only escape is that I go to Church Street to a Lesbian bar. There I can find some comfort. But this comfort is shallow. It only lasts a bit.
You keep reaching for the Merlot. I go see the doctor and he says I am depressed so he gives me pills. It's great, just another crutch to hide what's wrong. But I take them.
Bi Bi Bi Bi
To be an SP you have an open mind about sex. It's just a job. You turn it off as best as you can. Even though you can mostly you can't. You're a person. A person has feelings no matter what. Just like a nurse that sees 1000 dead people will still cry when someone close dies. Sex becomes routine.
Mr Big then shows me a side of myself I don't really know so well. This is a change in my life and I think it's good. Long away in the future what I find out this night will be my savor. Mr Big brings home a girl he picks up. He is very drunk. He comes in and I am at his place. He says can we have this chick with us.
Now this makes me mad. I am steaming inside. I think this is real disrespect of me. But I know I cannot win this. After all I am a whore. How can you deny it? How can you say no. I agree but don't like it. The 3 of us start. He is so drunk he can't perform so well lol. I laugh inside and think ha ha loser. Too drunk for your chance.
This girl he brings home is pretty. She is older than me. She asks me what is my name. I tell her. I remember it like yesterday. She tells me I'm a pretty girl too. It's a nice feeling. Then she touches my body and I like it. It's not rough. It's soft. There is no aggresion. She kisses me and it's pretty good lol. You know the song I kissed a girl and I liked it. It's different from a man. No whiskers that itch me. It's different to have a woman against me. But I am not revolted. Mr Big is excited. Which guy wouldn't be? Only he is so drunk. I'm still pissed as fuck at him so I think what can I do. I tell this woman wait a bit. I give Big a blow job. I tease him and stop just before he releases. You can tell a man will release because his balls will shrink tight. It's just before. You stop and press just underneath. It is like reset lol. I do this a few times. I can see he is hot lol, so I finally make him cum but I put it all in my mouth. Normally this is gross for me. Cum is like eating hot snot. I make sure it's right in my throat so it's gone. down the hatch. I have teased him so much he makes a lot of noise then lol he goes right to sleep. lololol. ha, you think I'm stupid Big? I did this so you would sleep.
I tell the girl I hope you didn't want it. She laughs and says something like he was too drunk anyway. Her and I then kiss. She asks me is there another bed. I say yes, spare room. We go in there and it's the first time I am with a woman. It's very different. It feels very good too. You don't need the details but I liked it. She did not go home but stayed the night. She slept with her arm around me.
She left the next morning. Mr Big was upset. He whined all day. He said he missed out on the action. I thought good. He said can we do another. I said let me think about it. So I did. I said to him, we can do this but only if I pick her. I'm sneaky. Forget his pleasure how about mine. He's just a sideshow now.
Mr Big then shows me a side of myself I don't really know so well. This is a change in my life and I think it's good. Long away in the future what I find out this night will be my savor. Mr Big brings home a girl he picks up. He is very drunk. He comes in and I am at his place. He says can we have this chick with us.
Now this makes me mad. I am steaming inside. I think this is real disrespect of me. But I know I cannot win this. After all I am a whore. How can you deny it? How can you say no. I agree but don't like it. The 3 of us start. He is so drunk he can't perform so well lol. I laugh inside and think ha ha loser. Too drunk for your chance.
This girl he brings home is pretty. She is older than me. She asks me what is my name. I tell her. I remember it like yesterday. She tells me I'm a pretty girl too. It's a nice feeling. Then she touches my body and I like it. It's not rough. It's soft. There is no aggresion. She kisses me and it's pretty good lol. You know the song I kissed a girl and I liked it. It's different from a man. No whiskers that itch me. It's different to have a woman against me. But I am not revolted. Mr Big is excited. Which guy wouldn't be? Only he is so drunk. I'm still pissed as fuck at him so I think what can I do. I tell this woman wait a bit. I give Big a blow job. I tease him and stop just before he releases. You can tell a man will release because his balls will shrink tight. It's just before. You stop and press just underneath. It is like reset lol. I do this a few times. I can see he is hot lol, so I finally make him cum but I put it all in my mouth. Normally this is gross for me. Cum is like eating hot snot. I make sure it's right in my throat so it's gone. down the hatch. I have teased him so much he makes a lot of noise then lol he goes right to sleep. lololol. ha, you think I'm stupid Big? I did this so you would sleep.
I tell the girl I hope you didn't want it. She laughs and says something like he was too drunk anyway. Her and I then kiss. She asks me is there another bed. I say yes, spare room. We go in there and it's the first time I am with a woman. It's very different. It feels very good too. You don't need the details but I liked it. She did not go home but stayed the night. She slept with her arm around me.
She left the next morning. Mr Big was upset. He whined all day. He said he missed out on the action. I thought good. He said can we do another. I said let me think about it. So I did. I said to him, we can do this but only if I pick her. I'm sneaky. Forget his pleasure how about mine. He's just a sideshow now.
No Balance
More time has passed and I am still working. Now my relationship is not so good. I am fighting with him more too. I notice he is not a hard worker. His bad habits become my bad habits. I am drinking every day and I get a bit of a belly. He tells me it too. He points it out. It doesn't matter he has one too. He name calls me too. Sometimes when he is drunk he words hurt.
Now I have more regulars at work. I see the same guys more and more with less new guys. This is way better. It means less gross. The regulars are pretty good. I can work less. My income is more stable as I know I will have regulars. I don't really like the job so much but it's better than before. Also, I am doing work outside of this MP. I don't tell them. I hook the clients to see me outside of work. This way I get all the money for me.
My boyfriend does not like what I do now. He tells me I should get out. I say why this is my job. He says to me get a real job. Whatever buddy. I'm a whore, who will hire me? I can go work in the bank lol. I laugh because I think of the job interview. What are your skills Larissa? I say well I know all the colors of money very well. Oh and also I had sex with that guy in the office two doors away lol. Yeah, right.
Still this guy wishes I would stop. When I don't stop, he turns it against me. One day he comes into the MP and he hires the spinner. I see it. I'm furious. You fucking asshole. You walk in my work and go fuck another whore? When he leaves I leave and we have a fight. It's a screaming match. He says to me, well you fuck different people why can't I. I say well it's my job. He said so what. He said it's not like this is his girlfriend. The rough part is I can't argue and win. He is right. How can I stop him? Still I hate it. If he must how about he goes someplace else. The spinner knows it too. We are now enemies. She tells the other girl she fucks my guy.
More time passes. It grows worse. One night I am out with my boyfriend and his friend comes over. They are drunk and Mr Big says I should have sex with his friend. I don't want it. This guy is gross. My BF pushes me, says to me, whats the difference. Well buddy, I get paid to have sex, not give it away to your friend. Still, I agree. He seems to enjoy watching. I don't enjoy it. But I am an SP and an SP knows how to make a guy cum fast. When you need to get it over, you know how to make it happen. I won't say what the method is as it's best just between SP's but it works. This guy is done in 5 minutes. Cause he's drunk he's soon sleeping. Good and thank God.
What I don't see is that this guy is using what I do to get what he wants.
Now I have more regulars at work. I see the same guys more and more with less new guys. This is way better. It means less gross. The regulars are pretty good. I can work less. My income is more stable as I know I will have regulars. I don't really like the job so much but it's better than before. Also, I am doing work outside of this MP. I don't tell them. I hook the clients to see me outside of work. This way I get all the money for me.
My boyfriend does not like what I do now. He tells me I should get out. I say why this is my job. He says to me get a real job. Whatever buddy. I'm a whore, who will hire me? I can go work in the bank lol. I laugh because I think of the job interview. What are your skills Larissa? I say well I know all the colors of money very well. Oh and also I had sex with that guy in the office two doors away lol. Yeah, right.
Still this guy wishes I would stop. When I don't stop, he turns it against me. One day he comes into the MP and he hires the spinner. I see it. I'm furious. You fucking asshole. You walk in my work and go fuck another whore? When he leaves I leave and we have a fight. It's a screaming match. He says to me, well you fuck different people why can't I. I say well it's my job. He said so what. He said it's not like this is his girlfriend. The rough part is I can't argue and win. He is right. How can I stop him? Still I hate it. If he must how about he goes someplace else. The spinner knows it too. We are now enemies. She tells the other girl she fucks my guy.
More time passes. It grows worse. One night I am out with my boyfriend and his friend comes over. They are drunk and Mr Big says I should have sex with his friend. I don't want it. This guy is gross. My BF pushes me, says to me, whats the difference. Well buddy, I get paid to have sex, not give it away to your friend. Still, I agree. He seems to enjoy watching. I don't enjoy it. But I am an SP and an SP knows how to make a guy cum fast. When you need to get it over, you know how to make it happen. I won't say what the method is as it's best just between SP's but it works. This guy is done in 5 minutes. Cause he's drunk he's soon sleeping. Good and thank God.
What I don't see is that this guy is using what I do to get what he wants.
Downward Spiral
Time has passed. I have slowed down working as I spend time with my boyfriend. He takes care of me. I have noticed he drinks a lot and he is reckless at times. He sais to me I am blowing off steam. He said work is stressing. I don't think to myself that really he doesn't work so much. One thing I notice about him is that he won't let me meet his family. They are all too busy. He will go to family dinner but I am not invited. He said he keeps his personal life private. Now I can understand this because I do too. I should see this as a sign but I don't. You see, if you love someone you only see the good stuff.
This guy and I, we fight. He makes it up to me by buying me things. That's his way to say he is sorry. I always accept and I forget. Then this happens again. This guy does things like gets me flowers. No one has did this before. He holds my hand. He whispers he loves me. I cannot say it back but I feel it I think. Really I don't know because I don't know this word. How can I?
One day, he says to me he wants two girls. He said that I have men all the time so he wants to get 2 girls. It's his fantasy. I say to him, we can hire one. I said it's only if we hire an SP. He agrees. I said you can pick one. He angers me because he picks one I work with at the MP. She is a spinner. What is a spinner? It's a very petite small girl. It's bad because I really don't like this bitch so much. She comes to his place and we all have sex together. I don't feel good about this. He asks her to have bareback and tells her we do so she's safe and he is safe, why not. This girl isn't stupid. She is wise to the world and tells him not a chance buddy. He wants me have sex with me without a condom. It's normal for us but I say no way. When you hire two SP's you condom swap. The man has no risk but each womans fluids interchange. This is a risk though its a low risk. I don't swap fluid at all with a client. No fucking way. It's a fast way to being sick. He's not so happy about this. Still I don't like it. I'm glad when it's over. It's a long time since I felt cheap. Maybe this is stupid sounding to you but for me there is two kinds of sex. One is love sex. The other is work sex. One is close. The other is my job. It's two different things. But how can I argue? After all, Mr Big did hire an SP. So I cannot expect to have 4 men each day and him have nothing. He can say that she is just a good release. How can I argue? But you know, I don't like it. Maybe it's stupid to expect this but I hoped he would only want me.
This guy and I, we fight. He makes it up to me by buying me things. That's his way to say he is sorry. I always accept and I forget. Then this happens again. This guy does things like gets me flowers. No one has did this before. He holds my hand. He whispers he loves me. I cannot say it back but I feel it I think. Really I don't know because I don't know this word. How can I?
One day, he says to me he wants two girls. He said that I have men all the time so he wants to get 2 girls. It's his fantasy. I say to him, we can hire one. I said it's only if we hire an SP. He agrees. I said you can pick one. He angers me because he picks one I work with at the MP. She is a spinner. What is a spinner? It's a very petite small girl. It's bad because I really don't like this bitch so much. She comes to his place and we all have sex together. I don't feel good about this. He asks her to have bareback and tells her we do so she's safe and he is safe, why not. This girl isn't stupid. She is wise to the world and tells him not a chance buddy. He wants me have sex with me without a condom. It's normal for us but I say no way. When you hire two SP's you condom swap. The man has no risk but each womans fluids interchange. This is a risk though its a low risk. I don't swap fluid at all with a client. No fucking way. It's a fast way to being sick. He's not so happy about this. Still I don't like it. I'm glad when it's over. It's a long time since I felt cheap. Maybe this is stupid sounding to you but for me there is two kinds of sex. One is love sex. The other is work sex. One is close. The other is my job. It's two different things. But how can I argue? After all, Mr Big did hire an SP. So I cannot expect to have 4 men each day and him have nothing. He can say that she is just a good release. How can I argue? But you know, I don't like it. Maybe it's stupid to expect this but I hoped he would only want me.
Having a Boyfriend and a Sugar Daddy
When you have a boyfriend life sure seems better. You have something to look forward too. At this time in my life I don't have much. As an SP you have a hard time having friends. You can't tell your friends. You must always hide this life. You live in paranoid state. Does this person know . You fear seeing a client in the street. You fear he will make a big issue. Because of this, you don't get good friends just other SP's. Regular people have to be kept away. Not too close. If you live this way it's so lonely. You feel isolated. My family did not speak to me. My mom lived only 100 kms away but I didn't go see her. To me she wasn't my Mom. Just a drunk
So now I have a boyfriend. When you are lonely this person becomes a bright sun in your world. Mr Big would still come to see me and pay for it. I thought it was weird he would do this. Why pay when he got it free. But lol, hey I got the money. SP's love money ;-) Mr Big would come for sessions. I think he liked that rush. He was my boyfriend so I allowed him full sex bareback. I used to wonder how he could date someone with 4 sex partners a day. He never seemed jealous either. I thought this was a great thing. I could keep making money and he didn't care. He kept me going so the job got easier and I could work more. Working more meant more money which I could spend. Retail therapy is common if you are an SP.
So now I have this boyfriend. I am learning about him. His father is very wealthy and he works for his dad. I tell you, he didn't work very much. I should have seen this as a sign but I didn't. I could only see the gravy train ahead. Not only did I like this man but he would take care of me. No one had ever did this. I was like his sugar babe.
I know some of you read this and feel disgust for me. Some men will say what a gold digger. Some women will say I should get a real job. Well that's not so easy is it? Here is what I say to you. Most women will be a prostitute in their life. You can look down on me. But you are the same too. You can't admit it. How many are in a bad marriage but just stay? How many dislike their husband but give him sex to shut him up? Its the duty. How many women marry older men because they have money. Lots do. So that is a prostitute too. Just the payment is different. It's not cash. It's security. And those men that spit at me? Well you want to seduce me with your money. You show me the wealth. You show me the nice car. You brag about it. You get me what I want and I give you sex. You like this agreement until you don't have the power anymore. Then I become a whore to you. I was all along. Just I had the power. You see if you are a pretty girl you can get anything. You just smile. Men are like dumb dogs around a pretty girl. They do just what she wants. It's because they want sex. You say I am the dumb whore but really you are dumb too. You should think about this.
So now I have a boyfriend and you know what? I am falling for him. I think I am falling in love and I don't know what this is. Sure I had a crush on boys when I was 14 but never love. Now love it makes your head like a melon. Inside a melon is mush. And that is what happened to me.
So now I have a boyfriend. When you are lonely this person becomes a bright sun in your world. Mr Big would still come to see me and pay for it. I thought it was weird he would do this. Why pay when he got it free. But lol, hey I got the money. SP's love money ;-) Mr Big would come for sessions. I think he liked that rush. He was my boyfriend so I allowed him full sex bareback. I used to wonder how he could date someone with 4 sex partners a day. He never seemed jealous either. I thought this was a great thing. I could keep making money and he didn't care. He kept me going so the job got easier and I could work more. Working more meant more money which I could spend. Retail therapy is common if you are an SP.
So now I have this boyfriend. I am learning about him. His father is very wealthy and he works for his dad. I tell you, he didn't work very much. I should have seen this as a sign but I didn't. I could only see the gravy train ahead. Not only did I like this man but he would take care of me. No one had ever did this. I was like his sugar babe.
I know some of you read this and feel disgust for me. Some men will say what a gold digger. Some women will say I should get a real job. Well that's not so easy is it? Here is what I say to you. Most women will be a prostitute in their life. You can look down on me. But you are the same too. You can't admit it. How many are in a bad marriage but just stay? How many dislike their husband but give him sex to shut him up? Its the duty. How many women marry older men because they have money. Lots do. So that is a prostitute too. Just the payment is different. It's not cash. It's security. And those men that spit at me? Well you want to seduce me with your money. You show me the wealth. You show me the nice car. You brag about it. You get me what I want and I give you sex. You like this agreement until you don't have the power anymore. Then I become a whore to you. I was all along. Just I had the power. You see if you are a pretty girl you can get anything. You just smile. Men are like dumb dogs around a pretty girl. They do just what she wants. It's because they want sex. You say I am the dumb whore but really you are dumb too. You should think about this.
So now I have a boyfriend and you know what? I am falling for him. I think I am falling in love and I don't know what this is. Sure I had a crush on boys when I was 14 but never love. Now love it makes your head like a melon. Inside a melon is mush. And that is what happened to me.
There is a first time for everything
There is a first time for everything. And tonight was it. Mr Big gave me a long massage. He used oil too. It wasn't a 1 minute massage and then sex it was a massage. After that we had sex. This time he did something no man had did before. He went down on me. I do not do DATY. I don't want some stranger there. This guy went down. I had not felt this before. It was so good. He knew his way around. It probably sounds funny to hear this. I am a SP who had had sex with hundreds of men. This was the first time a man gave me the big O. I had given this to myself but never had another did it. After so long of sex that was robotic this was amazing. Right after I came he entered me. He had no condom on but I did not care. I was tipsy and hot for him. I was on the pill. I let him ride me bareback. In the industry this is a no no. But I had feelings for this guy. I think for him this sealed the deal too.
We went home the next day. I let him come into my apartment. We sat and talked. He sat with me and then said he would like to see me as a girlfriend. I told him what about my job? How could a guy date a whore? He told me he didn't care. I thought sure. I said yes. He gave me a kiss goodnight.
Does this seem fast to you? Two dates and you have a boyfriend. You bet it is. I didn't know much about this guy at all but I didn't care. When you are an SP you are lonely. If you have regular friends they all have guys. You see them hold hands. You see them get a kiss. I did not get this. What I got was to suck some guys cock 4 times a day. Now I had someone that called me by my first name. He made me feel good. He bought things for me.
I went to bed and thought holy I have a boyfriend
We went home the next day. I let him come into my apartment. We sat and talked. He sat with me and then said he would like to see me as a girlfriend. I told him what about my job? How could a guy date a whore? He told me he didn't care. I thought sure. I said yes. He gave me a kiss goodnight.
Does this seem fast to you? Two dates and you have a boyfriend. You bet it is. I didn't know much about this guy at all but I didn't care. When you are an SP you are lonely. If you have regular friends they all have guys. You see them hold hands. You see them get a kiss. I did not get this. What I got was to suck some guys cock 4 times a day. Now I had someone that called me by my first name. He made me feel good. He bought things for me.
I went to bed and thought holy I have a boyfriend
Date 2
On Saturday Mr Big came to get me at my apartment. He told me to pack some clothes and a nice dress. We got in his car and drove. He took me to a place called Niagara on the Lake. I had not visited it before. I didn't go places much as a kid. My parents didn't take a vacation.
When I got to Niagara on the Lake it was so pretty. He showed me the big river. He showed me the wine growing places. We got to this hotel. It was amazing. We checked in. I felt out of place. I'm just a stupid whore not some elegant woman. The hotel room was huge. It had a big tub. I remember jumping on the bed and spreading out. The pillow was long. I just lied there and thought wow. He was unpacking. He laughed at me and said do you like it? I said yes. I sat there and changed all the channels on the tv. It was a huge tv. This hotel had a kitchen. In the bathroom not only was there a big tub but a shower with just glass and 3 shower heads. I had never had this before. I had stayed in a hotel but it was like a cheap one. My family would go see relatives and we would stay. The big deal as a kid was the pop machine and the pool. Now this place was luxury.
Mr Big took me to dinner. It was a good restaurant and I was nervous. I don't go out to nice restaurants much. He ordered wine. I remember it came in a pail. The man poured it in my glass and called me Miss. Wow, it was just like the movies. When you're a young woman you get impressed by this. We had dinner. It was several plates of things. The bill was pretty big lol. I was trying to see how much he had spent. I know a good thing when I see it lol.
After dinner, he took me outside. There was this horse and carriage. He took me on this. You go for a trip around town. I had never did this. I felt like Princess Larissa. On this carriage he reached with his hand and held mine. I let him. I regret doing this still today.
The carriage got back to the hotel. He helped me get off it. Now this guy didn't look older anymore. He looked charming lol. This is when Larissa started to fall for him. This is when my head was like a melon. A melon has no brain. Just mush.
When I got to Niagara on the Lake it was so pretty. He showed me the big river. He showed me the wine growing places. We got to this hotel. It was amazing. We checked in. I felt out of place. I'm just a stupid whore not some elegant woman. The hotel room was huge. It had a big tub. I remember jumping on the bed and spreading out. The pillow was long. I just lied there and thought wow. He was unpacking. He laughed at me and said do you like it? I said yes. I sat there and changed all the channels on the tv. It was a huge tv. This hotel had a kitchen. In the bathroom not only was there a big tub but a shower with just glass and 3 shower heads. I had never had this before. I had stayed in a hotel but it was like a cheap one. My family would go see relatives and we would stay. The big deal as a kid was the pop machine and the pool. Now this place was luxury.
Mr Big took me to dinner. It was a good restaurant and I was nervous. I don't go out to nice restaurants much. He ordered wine. I remember it came in a pail. The man poured it in my glass and called me Miss. Wow, it was just like the movies. When you're a young woman you get impressed by this. We had dinner. It was several plates of things. The bill was pretty big lol. I was trying to see how much he had spent. I know a good thing when I see it lol.
After dinner, he took me outside. There was this horse and carriage. He took me on this. You go for a trip around town. I had never did this. I felt like Princess Larissa. On this carriage he reached with his hand and held mine. I let him. I regret doing this still today.
The carriage got back to the hotel. He helped me get off it. Now this guy didn't look older anymore. He looked charming lol. This is when Larissa started to fall for him. This is when my head was like a melon. A melon has no brain. Just mush.
Going down
Just a few days after our date Mr Big came to see me again. He brought me this little bear with a shirt that said thinking of you. We had our session but it was different this time. It didn't seem so much like work. I let him do things I didn't let others. I let him kiss me. I never kissed. I know in the movies you see that SP's don't kiss clients but lots do. It depends on the SP. I never did. I can have sex with anyone but kissing is not something I share. This is a big boo boo on my side I tell you. It reminds me of in Pretty Women when Kat says oh no, you kissed him on the mouth.
We finished the session. He gave me a hug and then a kiss. He then asked me out on another date. I said yes. He said how about Saturday and Sunday. I thought well hmmm, I make good money Saturday but I thought I will go. What the hell right ?
I had another client a little after he left. I felt good and I was happy. I didn't mind the next client so much and it was the first time for a while I liked being an SP. I closed my eyes and thought it was Mr Big. It was sure easier to fuck someone when you feel good about life.
We finished the session. He gave me a hug and then a kiss. He then asked me out on another date. I said yes. He said how about Saturday and Sunday. I thought well hmmm, I make good money Saturday but I thought I will go. What the hell right ?
I had another client a little after he left. I felt good and I was happy. I didn't mind the next client so much and it was the first time for a while I liked being an SP. I closed my eyes and thought it was Mr Big. It was sure easier to fuck someone when you feel good about life.
Mr. Big
Mr. Big. He would come see as a regular. He was older but lived life filled with fun. I felt good around him and wished he could be my only client. One day he said I should come for dinner with him. I said maybe lol. A girl never says yes so fast. Each time he would see me he would ask about dinner. I agreed one day. We went to eat at Harbourfront in Toronto. He knew how to get in a girls head. I could see he had some money too. Our first date was good. We had dinner and talked. Then he took me to a club. He did what all guys will do to get laid. He got me drunk lol. At the end if the night he asked me to come to his house. I thought I will. I know this guy for some time now. Plus he paid so I would give him what he wanted.
I don't have much memory of my high school. I didn't really date. This was the first time I had a date for years. It was also the first time I had sex that wasn't for money. I liked it and I felt comfortable. The guy was good. He was smooth. He massaged me. He pampered me. When you spend your life servicing men it's nice to get pampered.
This was the beginning of a long shitty time in life. Now I can see it but then I could not. It's funny, I thought I knew men so well. I thought I was a smart girl. How could a girl that sleeps with 5 men a day be fooled by some guy? To me all men were just dumb. I thought I knew it all. Boy was I wrong.
I don't have much memory of my high school. I didn't really date. This was the first time I had a date for years. It was also the first time I had sex that wasn't for money. I liked it and I felt comfortable. The guy was good. He was smooth. He massaged me. He pampered me. When you spend your life servicing men it's nice to get pampered.
This was the beginning of a long shitty time in life. Now I can see it but then I could not. It's funny, I thought I knew men so well. I thought I was a smart girl. How could a girl that sleeps with 5 men a day be fooled by some guy? To me all men were just dumb. I thought I knew it all. Boy was I wrong.
Wash, Rinse, Repeat
My life passed me by each day. Each day is the same. To escape you do two things. You go to the liquor store and you go shopping. Both help you forget your reality. In this life it's hard to live well. Maybe the money is good but that's it. You feel empty. Each day you fall to sleep after a bottle of wine. 100 pairs of shoes in the closet will not make it go away. If you are a young woman and you read this, you will see the MP advertises make money right now. Keep walking. Go to school. A regular job is tough. But you feel good you are learning. At the MP it's the same. Every single day is the same.
By now I don't like men very much. I am sick of men. Two men I hate the most are those men that ask me all the time if I like their big cock and if I will come. Guess what buddy, I heard that yesterday. I will hear it tomorrow. The other guys I don't like are young guys. They are proud they can last so long. They pound away. It's the most boring feeling. These guys think they are stallions. It's a yawn. The best men are older men. They want more than just sex. Some like to talk to you. Some are the kind of people you would even talk to away from the MP. You get some men that come in and say nothing. Others like to chat with you. You get some guys that ask you out. Why not try? It saves him from paying lol. It's a good try but we're not fooled so easy.
I liked older men. They were better. They thought about you as a person. Maybe you are reading this and wondering can a SP get attached to a client? The answer is yes she can. It's not love or anything but it's sure better to see him than that gross hairy guy lol. For this guy you will do a bit more. You do it because you want him to come back lol. If you have to make a living this way, it's best to have the same guy you like a bit. I had some clients like this. Of course when you are broken and angry at men you will find the worst type of guys. I did too. I will call him Mr. Big.
By now I don't like men very much. I am sick of men. Two men I hate the most are those men that ask me all the time if I like their big cock and if I will come. Guess what buddy, I heard that yesterday. I will hear it tomorrow. The other guys I don't like are young guys. They are proud they can last so long. They pound away. It's the most boring feeling. These guys think they are stallions. It's a yawn. The best men are older men. They want more than just sex. Some like to talk to you. Some are the kind of people you would even talk to away from the MP. You get some men that come in and say nothing. Others like to chat with you. You get some guys that ask you out. Why not try? It saves him from paying lol. It's a good try but we're not fooled so easy.
I liked older men. They were better. They thought about you as a person. Maybe you are reading this and wondering can a SP get attached to a client? The answer is yes she can. It's not love or anything but it's sure better to see him than that gross hairy guy lol. For this guy you will do a bit more. You do it because you want him to come back lol. If you have to make a living this way, it's best to have the same guy you like a bit. I had some clients like this. Of course when you are broken and angry at men you will find the worst type of guys. I did too. I will call him Mr. Big.
A massage parlour
What's it like in a massage parlour? It's like boredom and cats. It's boredom because you can sit there and no one comes in. You smoke or eat chips. You watch another show on TV. I remember this woman that watched this soap opera. She called it her story. It was important she saw it and hated if she had to work lol. The hours of the day go by. Pay day is a busier day.
A MP is like cats because SP's are like cats. If you see cats, they can live in the same house but they don't like each other. One cat will sleep on this chair, the other on the bed. Mostly they ignore each other. This is life in the MP. You learn fast to treat the girl at the desk good. If you do, she will do you favors. You learn to shut your mouth too. If another SP doesn't like you she can gang up on you. You have to sit near this bitch all day. You keep your thoughts in your head.
Each MP is different. Some owners are good. Some are bad. Some prey on new SP's. The owners want money. If you are a pretty girl and can make good business they will want you. Big time. It's tough for the owners. You must be worried about raids. You must deal with sp's that are drunk or high. You must deal with gossip and cat fights. It could be a reality show lol.
I think working in an MP sucks. You can go to another but it's the same thing. It's factory fucking. You can see no one or you can see 4 guys a day. You don't pick the client. They pick you. Sometimes you think oh god. Girls don't last long at the MP. You get tired of it fast. There is no control on your choices. The owners will say they want girls without addiction. But the MP makes you need a way out. If you are an SP you will go from MP to MP as you get tired. But it's the same. It's all the same. If not for the safety of the MP I would sooner work on the street. At least I can say no. You can close your eyes only so long. You get sick of arguing with clients. You get sick of seeing men you have no interest to see. It's your job. I have not worked in a fast food place but I think the MP is worse. Only the money is better.
I do this job for a long time. I would work then I would quit and take time off. I would stay away until I was broke and then go back. The MP is always hiring. The MP is like crack. You know you should not but you will go back. It's because there is no options.
A MP is like cats because SP's are like cats. If you see cats, they can live in the same house but they don't like each other. One cat will sleep on this chair, the other on the bed. Mostly they ignore each other. This is life in the MP. You learn fast to treat the girl at the desk good. If you do, she will do you favors. You learn to shut your mouth too. If another SP doesn't like you she can gang up on you. You have to sit near this bitch all day. You keep your thoughts in your head.
Each MP is different. Some owners are good. Some are bad. Some prey on new SP's. The owners want money. If you are a pretty girl and can make good business they will want you. Big time. It's tough for the owners. You must be worried about raids. You must deal with sp's that are drunk or high. You must deal with gossip and cat fights. It could be a reality show lol.
I think working in an MP sucks. You can go to another but it's the same thing. It's factory fucking. You can see no one or you can see 4 guys a day. You don't pick the client. They pick you. Sometimes you think oh god. Girls don't last long at the MP. You get tired of it fast. There is no control on your choices. The owners will say they want girls without addiction. But the MP makes you need a way out. If you are an SP you will go from MP to MP as you get tired. But it's the same. It's all the same. If not for the safety of the MP I would sooner work on the street. At least I can say no. You can close your eyes only so long. You get sick of arguing with clients. You get sick of seeing men you have no interest to see. It's your job. I have not worked in a fast food place but I think the MP is worse. Only the money is better.
I do this job for a long time. I would work then I would quit and take time off. I would stay away until I was broke and then go back. The MP is always hiring. The MP is like crack. You know you should not but you will go back. It's because there is no options.
August 31st, 2010
It is August 31st, 2010. I do not sleep very well. Yesterday for the first time for nearly 2 months I see a person that means the most to me. He is sick and his hands tremble. He has given up on life. His face is empty and his spirit is gone. Nothing hurts so much like seeing this. I remember when he was like a little boy, sometimes so innocent and naive. I would see his smile but it's just sadness. If you are an SP you know life. It's about isolation. It's about hiding. When someone loves you for what you are, you love them back. This person believed in me when others did not. I will pray for him. I believe God answers all prayers.
Monday, August 30, 2010
NOW Magazine
If you have lived in Toronto you will know NOW magazine. Some read it for the music. Some read it for the articles. But in the back there is many pages of sex ads. I am reading these and I see about these services. You come and work for them and you can shop every day. It says you must be drug and disease free. I have no disease but I have drugs. I figure I can hide it. I am right
So some women work there. These men walk in and you must show yourself if you are not working. They will decide what they want. Then you will enter a room and have sex. This is a massage parlour. They pretend they sell a massage but lol, it's whatever the man wants. The massage has a happy ending for him.
There are many good reasons to work in this. You are safe. Sometimes a client will be verbally abusive but he cannot attack you. You are safe and you pay a fee to use the rooms. It depends on the MP. Some are cheaper. If you are a man, one myth is that they say "woman owned". This means nothing. If you think that women are better you missed the bus as a kid lol. It means nothing. Working there you are given a room and it's safe. But, on the bad side, you don't pick the clients. Sometimes the client comes through the door and you think ewwww. He will shower and dry off but you think gross. All types of men come to these type of places. Some are good looking. Some are ugly. Some are fat. Some are fit. Some are married. Some are single. Some want to talk to you. Some want to try to romance you. Some ask you 100 questions in sex, do you like it, are you horny, will you come. You learn fast to agree because it's good business but really you would sooner watch SATC. In this environment you meet all kinds.
This job has it's good side. But after a while it's hard. You get some regulars that come to see you, but somedays there are none. You pass the time watching a TV and smoking. Sometime it's so boring. If no one comes in, you don't make money. You sit there waiting. And you sit with these other SP's that want money. I can say, a room full of women is a bad idea lol.
I did this job for a long time. It's good and bad. Then I left.
So some women work there. These men walk in and you must show yourself if you are not working. They will decide what they want. Then you will enter a room and have sex. This is a massage parlour. They pretend they sell a massage but lol, it's whatever the man wants. The massage has a happy ending for him.
There are many good reasons to work in this. You are safe. Sometimes a client will be verbally abusive but he cannot attack you. You are safe and you pay a fee to use the rooms. It depends on the MP. Some are cheaper. If you are a man, one myth is that they say "woman owned". This means nothing. If you think that women are better you missed the bus as a kid lol. It means nothing. Working there you are given a room and it's safe. But, on the bad side, you don't pick the clients. Sometimes the client comes through the door and you think ewwww. He will shower and dry off but you think gross. All types of men come to these type of places. Some are good looking. Some are ugly. Some are fat. Some are fit. Some are married. Some are single. Some want to talk to you. Some want to try to romance you. Some ask you 100 questions in sex, do you like it, are you horny, will you come. You learn fast to agree because it's good business but really you would sooner watch SATC. In this environment you meet all kinds.
This job has it's good side. But after a while it's hard. You get some regulars that come to see you, but somedays there are none. You pass the time watching a TV and smoking. Sometime it's so boring. If no one comes in, you don't make money. You sit there waiting. And you sit with these other SP's that want money. I can say, a room full of women is a bad idea lol.
I did this job for a long time. It's good and bad. Then I left.
Trouble
So now I am doing ok with this job. I get some bad dates but I can just leave the car and give them their money back. It's just smart.
I know what you think. Surely I will be attacked by a john. But no, this is not what happens. It's another street walker that attacks me. She walks up to me and says she owns this corner. I say well I am here now 2 months. She comes to me and pushes me. She says she can make my life hell. I want to hit her back but I think again and I just leave. I just move away from this corner.
The nights pass and this woman is working where I worked. It's lots of cars. One night she is not there so I go back to the corner and work it. While I am standing there this van stops. A guy says why are you here. He is menacing. I say I am waiting for a bus but the side of the van opens and these men throw bottles at me. They smash to bits all around me. They say next time it will be worse. Next time I will pay for using their territory. It's the first time I'm really scared. I ask the girls at the strip club who tell me it's a pimp and I should go away. I need the money as I smoke crack but I stay clean while I work. So I decide I will find another way. How can I make money?
I know what you think. Surely I will be attacked by a john. But no, this is not what happens. It's another street walker that attacks me. She walks up to me and says she owns this corner. I say well I am here now 2 months. She comes to me and pushes me. She says she can make my life hell. I want to hit her back but I think again and I just leave. I just move away from this corner.
The nights pass and this woman is working where I worked. It's lots of cars. One night she is not there so I go back to the corner and work it. While I am standing there this van stops. A guy says why are you here. He is menacing. I say I am waiting for a bus but the side of the van opens and these men throw bottles at me. They smash to bits all around me. They say next time it will be worse. Next time I will pay for using their territory. It's the first time I'm really scared. I ask the girls at the strip club who tell me it's a pimp and I should go away. I need the money as I smoke crack but I stay clean while I work. So I decide I will find another way. How can I make money?
The nice guy with money
I am standing working. This guy walks up to me. He starts to talk to me and asks how much. I ask him what he wants. I am thinking you have no car so how can this be? He said to me he would like a blow job but he lives just up the street. I wait for a second and decide I will go.
Its' a good apartment he takes me too. His floors are nice and this man has money. He says would I like a drink so I agree. I watch him pour it to make sure no pills go in. He gives me the wine and we sit and talk. I don't know why he does this. It makes me cautious. He tells me he wants oral sex. I say it's 120. He gives me 120 and takes me to his room. During this, he says to me he would like more. He wants full sex. I said it is another $120. He reaches to his wallet and gives me 6 greens. I ask him how do you want it and he says missionary. While he is having sex with me, he says he wants to give me DATY. DATY means Dine at the Y or as you call it oral sex. I tell him $100 dollars. I am surprised when he pays me it. So far now I have made 340 dollars. What is strange is I don't mind the DATY. It feels good and I become aroused from it. He senses this and he enters me again and says he wants to kiss me. I think to charge him but I figure fuck it, he's a good looking guy, so I kiss him. I've already made all this money. I can see he likes it so I pretend I am having an orgasm and it makes him have one. When he is done, he says to me, thank you. He walks me to the door and wants to hug me. He tries to give me a kiss goodbye. I don't know why or what to think. I leave and I have this money. I think what a fool. You can go get this at a club for less. Still, who cares, I have all the money.
Its' a good apartment he takes me too. His floors are nice and this man has money. He says would I like a drink so I agree. I watch him pour it to make sure no pills go in. He gives me the wine and we sit and talk. I don't know why he does this. It makes me cautious. He tells me he wants oral sex. I say it's 120. He gives me 120 and takes me to his room. During this, he says to me he would like more. He wants full sex. I said it is another $120. He reaches to his wallet and gives me 6 greens. I ask him how do you want it and he says missionary. While he is having sex with me, he says he wants to give me DATY. DATY means Dine at the Y or as you call it oral sex. I tell him $100 dollars. I am surprised when he pays me it. So far now I have made 340 dollars. What is strange is I don't mind the DATY. It feels good and I become aroused from it. He senses this and he enters me again and says he wants to kiss me. I think to charge him but I figure fuck it, he's a good looking guy, so I kiss him. I've already made all this money. I can see he likes it so I pretend I am having an orgasm and it makes him have one. When he is done, he says to me, thank you. He walks me to the door and wants to hug me. He tries to give me a kiss goodbye. I don't know why or what to think. I leave and I have this money. I think what a fool. You can go get this at a club for less. Still, who cares, I have all the money.
The Bad Date
If you are a working girl you know the term bad date. We call our time with a client a date. It's a stupid term really because isn't a date with someone you wish to find out more about? Someone you like or hope to like?
One night I am standing there. This car pulls up. Now I am used to making a choice with my eyes. I have learned not to be high on crack while working. This guy looks good. So I get in, he asks the price and I say how much it costs. He says I am a rip off. I said it is the price. So he pulls into a dark area and he gives me the money. I start to work but he grabs my hair. He makes me go faster and calls me names. He pushes his cock deep in my throat till I choke. It does not matter to him about me. Just I service him. It is taking longer than normal and he gets angry. He says I am a dud. I can't do it for him, so he wants his money back. He shouts at me in the car and threatens me, so I give him his money back. I go to leave the car and he makes the locks go down. He laughs and says he can do what he wants to do with me, but I start to scream and pound the window. Finally I get out of the car and he drives away fast. It is my first bad date. I would have many more
After this, I just strip. I take some time away. At least in the strip club if some man bothers you too much you can tell the bouncer and he's gone. In a car you cannot. I have learned a lesson. You cannot judge a man by how he looks.
One night I am standing there. This car pulls up. Now I am used to making a choice with my eyes. I have learned not to be high on crack while working. This guy looks good. So I get in, he asks the price and I say how much it costs. He says I am a rip off. I said it is the price. So he pulls into a dark area and he gives me the money. I start to work but he grabs my hair. He makes me go faster and calls me names. He pushes his cock deep in my throat till I choke. It does not matter to him about me. Just I service him. It is taking longer than normal and he gets angry. He says I am a dud. I can't do it for him, so he wants his money back. He shouts at me in the car and threatens me, so I give him his money back. I go to leave the car and he makes the locks go down. He laughs and says he can do what he wants to do with me, but I start to scream and pound the window. Finally I get out of the car and he drives away fast. It is my first bad date. I would have many more
After this, I just strip. I take some time away. At least in the strip club if some man bothers you too much you can tell the bouncer and he's gone. In a car you cannot. I have learned a lesson. You cannot judge a man by how he looks.
Easy Money
Some weeks have passed and each night I can do this and make $100 or $200 dollars. If you are a street walker almost all the men wish for only a blow job. It's because it's fast and because a car is not a good place to have sex. I begin to learn how it works. Some men will tell you they don't have money but they will go get it. They will say I have only $50, is it enough. Quickly you learn to say no and you get out of the car. I learn to hold on the handle of the car door. All types stop. Some are creepy men. Some are big fat men. Some are very good looking men. I wonder why? Others are men with expensive cars who have money. It's not all so easy. Some drive by and call you names. Some throw bottles at you. The police slow down to see you. Some in the neighborhood don't like you. They come up to you or take a photo. They tell you go to away, to get out, I am not welcome. You learn you cannot trust anyone. Some will be nice to you only to then tell you bad things. Some will come and tell you how God hates you. I am now a street walker.
Maybe I make this sound easy. It is not. You are at risk each time you get in the car. You do not know. Some men are nice. Some are rough. Some only get you to tell you how you are a bad person. Sometimes a car with men pull up. I am not a fool. I don't get in this car.
It is long ago to remember but I think it is week 3 and this guy stops. He is a man with money I can see. His car is very nice. I get in the car and he says what he wants. By now I am smart. I know I am young so my price is higher. He drives to the business district of Toronto and we go to his parking spot. It's underground. During his blow job he says to me, how much is the price for full sex. I have not given this yet but I say its $100 more. In one second there is $100 in my hand. Now it's $250 dollars. I get on top of him and he is inside me. It is my first time ever doing this. This guy is OK. He is an older man, you can see he has money. I don't know why he will buy it when lots of women would give him sex for free. During this sex he said to me he wants me on the hood. So I go out to the hood and I bend over. I cannot see him only in the glare of the windshield. He does not take long to finish. When he is done, he says thank you and gets in his car. I go to get in and he tells me to take a walk. I guess I am shocked. I leave by the stairs. Still, there is $250 dollars in my hand. I have worked only 20 minutes. It's easy money.
Maybe I make this sound easy. It is not. You are at risk each time you get in the car. You do not know. Some men are nice. Some are rough. Some only get you to tell you how you are a bad person. Sometimes a car with men pull up. I am not a fool. I don't get in this car.
It is long ago to remember but I think it is week 3 and this guy stops. He is a man with money I can see. His car is very nice. I get in the car and he says what he wants. By now I am smart. I know I am young so my price is higher. He drives to the business district of Toronto and we go to his parking spot. It's underground. During his blow job he says to me, how much is the price for full sex. I have not given this yet but I say its $100 more. In one second there is $100 in my hand. Now it's $250 dollars. I get on top of him and he is inside me. It is my first time ever doing this. This guy is OK. He is an older man, you can see he has money. I don't know why he will buy it when lots of women would give him sex for free. During this sex he said to me he wants me on the hood. So I go out to the hood and I bend over. I cannot see him only in the glare of the windshield. He does not take long to finish. When he is done, he says thank you and gets in his car. I go to get in and he tells me to take a walk. I guess I am shocked. I leave by the stairs. Still, there is $250 dollars in my hand. I have worked only 20 minutes. It's easy money.
Crossing the Line
If you are a stripper it is good money if you do lap dances. It's how you make money now because no one will tip you much if you table dance. You must pay stage fees too. When I am a stripper I learn some of the other girls are making money on the side. They are offering more services to men than just a lap dance. I hear about this money and now I am needing drugs so I spend a large amount. When you get addicted you stop caring. This circle goes in circles.
I am leaving one night walking home. It is summer. As I wait for the stop light this car pulls up and this guy says how much does it cost. I am a bit drunk so I said to him $100 dollars for a blow job. He said to me get in. I am in this car now and he goes into an alley nearby and parks. He gives me the money and then puts his seat back. He slides his shorts down. The job is over in just a few minutes. He is a good looking man. I think why does he need this when he could get a regular woman? I get out of his car and walk back on the way home. I am holding the $100 dollars and I think how easy that was. In my mind I think if I am working at fast food I must work 2 days to make this money. I make it in just 10 minutes. Just like that I am now a hooker. You would think I feel bad but I don't feel so bad. I can only think of the $100 dollars. How easy it is. This is what I think but I am wrong. You will see
The next day I decide I will do the same again. I am afraid the police will catch me. So I go to the bus stop and sit on the bench. I watch the cars. Some slow down, they look, then move on. Others go in circles. They keep looking but won't stop. Finally this man pulls up. It's a minivan. I remember it because in the back is two child seats. I see them. I think about his wife. I wonder why he is here. Still I get in and he says what he wants. I say the price is $150. He says he has $120. I say it's good enough. He finds where to park in the dark street and like the first it is over quick. I go home. It's this night I learn to buy condoms without any lube. I get them on Queen Street in Toronto with flavour lol so it makes the job easier.
I am leaving one night walking home. It is summer. As I wait for the stop light this car pulls up and this guy says how much does it cost. I am a bit drunk so I said to him $100 dollars for a blow job. He said to me get in. I am in this car now and he goes into an alley nearby and parks. He gives me the money and then puts his seat back. He slides his shorts down. The job is over in just a few minutes. He is a good looking man. I think why does he need this when he could get a regular woman? I get out of his car and walk back on the way home. I am holding the $100 dollars and I think how easy that was. In my mind I think if I am working at fast food I must work 2 days to make this money. I make it in just 10 minutes. Just like that I am now a hooker. You would think I feel bad but I don't feel so bad. I can only think of the $100 dollars. How easy it is. This is what I think but I am wrong. You will see
The next day I decide I will do the same again. I am afraid the police will catch me. So I go to the bus stop and sit on the bench. I watch the cars. Some slow down, they look, then move on. Others go in circles. They keep looking but won't stop. Finally this man pulls up. It's a minivan. I remember it because in the back is two child seats. I see them. I think about his wife. I wonder why he is here. Still I get in and he says what he wants. I say the price is $150. He says he has $120. I say it's good enough. He finds where to park in the dark street and like the first it is over quick. I go home. It's this night I learn to buy condoms without any lube. I get them on Queen Street in Toronto with flavour lol so it makes the job easier.
Larissa the little girl
I am like the SP you expect to see. My family is broken. I don't know my real father and my mom doesn't either. My mom drinks. To face her failures she hides in alcohol. When she drinks she becomes mean. She says things just to hurt others. I have a step father. He is good to me. He is a yes man. He says what it takes to keep my mom happy. Both my parents know what I did. My mom likes to tell the rest of the family what I do to make fun of me. My step dad is better. He says I'm troubled and he will always be there. Another member of my family is my Nana. She is close to me. She told me sometimes women do what it takes to survive. She said I should not feel disappointed in my choices. She said I am not stupid, but a victim and I must remember that. She said I started being a victim when I was Larissa, the little girl.
When I was a teen, this is when the trouble really started. When I was old enough I left school. I wanted out of the house and out of the drinking. When you are 16 you are stupid. If you are a 16 year old and thinking you will find your way, I have advice for you. Go find real help. Don't let your boyfriend help you. Don't think that older man cares for you. Don't think you can go be a stripper. Once you start down the spiral you cannot stop. When you are 16 and there is easy money you think what a good deal. I'm here to tell you it's a bad idea. Maybe you hate your McDonalds job but I wish I had have had that job.
At 17 I became a stripper. I was not the right age but I lied. It was easy money and I could make a lot in a lap dance booth. You know some men will pay and pay if you let them play. So I did. This is where my life went downhill. It is because I met a older guy. I was 17 and he was 30. I was stupid and naive and I thought he liked me. I thought he loved me. Only I did not realize for him I was just some young girl that was a conquest. He was a creep. If you are a teenager that older guy will do you know favours. This man I met had a big problem. He smoked crack. And then I smoked it. And then I needed it. And the easiest way to get money as a woman is not to strip but to be a street walker. When you are a pretty young girl you can command $200 dollars for 10 minutes. That's good money.
When I was a teen, this is when the trouble really started. When I was old enough I left school. I wanted out of the house and out of the drinking. When you are 16 you are stupid. If you are a 16 year old and thinking you will find your way, I have advice for you. Go find real help. Don't let your boyfriend help you. Don't think that older man cares for you. Don't think you can go be a stripper. Once you start down the spiral you cannot stop. When you are 16 and there is easy money you think what a good deal. I'm here to tell you it's a bad idea. Maybe you hate your McDonalds job but I wish I had have had that job.
At 17 I became a stripper. I was not the right age but I lied. It was easy money and I could make a lot in a lap dance booth. You know some men will pay and pay if you let them play. So I did. This is where my life went downhill. It is because I met a older guy. I was 17 and he was 30. I was stupid and naive and I thought he liked me. I thought he loved me. Only I did not realize for him I was just some young girl that was a conquest. He was a creep. If you are a teenager that older guy will do you know favours. This man I met had a big problem. He smoked crack. And then I smoked it. And then I needed it. And the easiest way to get money as a woman is not to strip but to be a street walker. When you are a pretty young girl you can command $200 dollars for 10 minutes. That's good money.
Hello.
Hello. I am Larissa. I just turned 29 years old. Most of the women my age are having babies or married. They have a house in the suburbs. They are shopping at Ikea for new furniture or planting a garden. They are pursuing their careers. They are living a normal life. To them, that life seems so boring. To me, it was always a distant dream.
Why don't I have this life? Well because my job is that of a whore. There are other words for whore. You can say hooker. You can say prostitute. You can say Escort. Most in the business say the term SP. It means Sex Professional. It is a polite term. I don't mind the term whore. Some do mind it.
Last year I decided I wanted to leave the sex trade. I was finished. I didn't know what to do and I was afraid for my future. When you have only been a whore, you have no job skills. I didn't have a resume even. I have no education either. As a whore, I made good money. My prospects were dim. But I had to go. I was tired of it all. One day I knew I could not have another man so that was the day I just stopped. I quit that day. And I looked at this big life before me. It's a feeling of terror. Inside me was rage, I was angry at men because as a SP I made poor choices. Not all men that use prostitutes are bad. Some are wonderful men that treat you well. It's not like the movies. It's not like Pretty Woman but it's not like the dark side in movies either. It's in the middle. When you can't like men, well you can't do this issue. Not all, but most SP's have some trouble with men. You get tired of it. If you are a man reading this and you use a SP, please be good to her. She faces a tough day. This job is no walk in the park. It's most ironic that the most influential person in my life was a man. I will tell this story too.
First I will talk about my history.
Why don't I have this life? Well because my job is that of a whore. There are other words for whore. You can say hooker. You can say prostitute. You can say Escort. Most in the business say the term SP. It means Sex Professional. It is a polite term. I don't mind the term whore. Some do mind it.
Last year I decided I wanted to leave the sex trade. I was finished. I didn't know what to do and I was afraid for my future. When you have only been a whore, you have no job skills. I didn't have a resume even. I have no education either. As a whore, I made good money. My prospects were dim. But I had to go. I was tired of it all. One day I knew I could not have another man so that was the day I just stopped. I quit that day. And I looked at this big life before me. It's a feeling of terror. Inside me was rage, I was angry at men because as a SP I made poor choices. Not all men that use prostitutes are bad. Some are wonderful men that treat you well. It's not like the movies. It's not like Pretty Woman but it's not like the dark side in movies either. It's in the middle. When you can't like men, well you can't do this issue. Not all, but most SP's have some trouble with men. You get tired of it. If you are a man reading this and you use a SP, please be good to her. She faces a tough day. This job is no walk in the park. It's most ironic that the most influential person in my life was a man. I will tell this story too.
First I will talk about my history.
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